A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:How do I respond to an unfair comment about trust from my bf? The story goes like this: A couple of years ago I found out my bf had a secret facebook account. Not only it was secret, but he was talking to a girl in a very intimate and friendly way. She for some reason, seems to like him and I read all the comments. I confronted him, but he denied everything. From that moment on, I said to myself that I will opened up a Facebook account, and he will not be part of it. I remember, I even told him so. Anyways, today, I finally decided to get a facebook account because all of my friends wanted me to. I didn't want to open it, because of what happened with my bf; but then I want to keep in touch with my friends. Today, I was on facebook, but my bf kind of walked by while I was on it. I closed it, but he saw it was facebook. Then, he started to said that I lied to him, and that he can't trust me. ..blahh, blahh blahh. He said that I hide things from him. I got really upset, and I told him, that he has never been honest with me and that he had a FB account hidden; and he still does. I dont' say anything; WHY IS HE ACTING LIKE THAT? It is totally insane... I am not too good with words; how do I respond to his manipulate, insulting comments? How? It is just so unfair!!! I moved in with him, and I don't have any friends, and the moment I make some, he is controlling me... Why?
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female
reader, Sweet-thing  +, writes (21 June 2011):
 If he shifts the focus onto your facebook account, it suddenly puts his behavior on the back-burner, so to speak. Don't let him shift the blame. Confront him dead on about the conversations he's been having behind your back with this other woman. No matter how many times he tries to twist it back to you, just hold your ground. Obviously he's shocked that someone can give him a dose of his own medicine! You go girl.
A
female
reader, angelDlite +, writes (20 June 2011):
 he is judging you by his own standards - he had a secret account and he was using it to flirt so obviously he thinks you must be doing the same. why you are still with him after his untrustworthy behaviour last time? what reason did he give you for having the secret account and flirting?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 June 2011): hello there ^^ i wouldn't say i have much experiance , i'm not good with words either and in your place i would feel exactly the same way u do ^^ i think that's a common feeling for every women put in the same situation such as yours , but i can say that obiously your bf likes to controll , wish is not surprising because most of them does , the point is ... u just try not to make jugments when ur mad , take a moment to think , then to deal with your situation and with your fb ,well in a convincing way ... like when you make friends , softly , you can make him not able to reject them , like he looks at you and knows that this kind of behaviour would hurt your feelings so he just avoids it ... so he will be feeling like he is still having controll but in the same time it wouldn't bother you .the same way you can convince him to tell your all about his FB story it's all in a little smooth conversation (my opinion)and if he gets mad , try to
turn the dialogue in a friendly way to s-th he likes and proceed the other one in a better time when he feels happy ... of course with a little touch (a gift , a place he likes to visit ...)
good luck =)
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A
male
reader, N91 +, writes (20 June 2011):
 Well that's a big red flag right there, you know he's been chatting to other women intimately which shows that he is probably willing to cheat on you if the situation arises.
Continue as you are, keep in contact with YOUR friends, he has no say on who you speak to and doesn't have the right to control this. Monitor his behaviour and if it continues to go downhill and he carrys on nagging you about facebook, it shows a flaw in his personality as well as a huge double standard, it's not acceptable in a relationship for one half to have a secret facebook profile speaking intimately with other people - Don't let him have his cake and eat it
Like I said, keep an eye on how he acts and do not let him control you as it will only start to get worse, first he starts to tell you to cancel your facebook account, what next?
Hope this helps...good luck.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 June 2011): Hi there.Wow..i found myself in a simalar situation with my bf.He didnt have a secret account as such, but he did have secret behaviour when using facebook.I simply told him that whats good for the goose is good for the gander basically and him having double standards was not an attractive quality.Which he did'nt like as it just proved him to be the idiot really.I suggested that if he felt the need to keep it a secret then he is intelligent enough to know that it was the wrong thing which was just another blow to his " it's alright for me but not you attitude".I told him that if he wants to chat to other women on there thats fine,but not cyber sex.Of course it was and he did so I gave him a taste of his own behaviour without the secrecy!Point made....good luck
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