A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I have a bf and we have been dating for nearly 3 years now. I think that he's the perfect guy for me except he has a problem..he has an anger management issue and he's been trying to get better(he's even taking boxing classes to take away the stress and stuff) but I still feel like he needs improvement. I told him that maybe he should seek some help but when I told him this he was extremely upset and took it the wrong way..I love him deeply and I don't want to leave him but I also want him to improve. I'm not sure on how to approach him or what I should do about it? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, yamaguchi +, writes (28 August 2010):
I don't think it's a bad idea. I just got out of relationship that was almost 2 years old and i got burned bad. I think you just have had a bad string of luck but things should turn your way eventually. You're just a bit more cautious than most because of the hardship you have had to endure.
A
male
reader, gaurav1jha  +, writes (28 August 2010):
 [Since you have decided - NOT to move on]
1.Everyone has issues & Yeah! All Issues are often hard to tackle.
2. Don't let his anger affect your Emotional well Being.
3. Since You know - he has these problems, So you should be ready to except him the way he is POSITIVELY (In case Anger Management Doesn't work)
4. If You want him to Get well then do let him know that Extreme "ANGER" is Like "DISEASE" And It has nothing to do with his "Personality" - So You Still love him & will always be
5. For Help Refer to Spiritual stuffs/Books/Articles in which Anger is Denoted as a "Devil" & "To Over come a devil" One needs Self-Control
6. Make sure he doesn't hurts you physically/Emotionally
7. Meditation
8. Solve Tough Puzzles Like Sudoku
MEDICAL ADVICE:
1. Work Out
2. Drink 3-4 Litters of water
INTIMATE ADVICE
1. Refer to the post by jpcsbabygirl! (Nice one! *Thumbs Up*)
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A
female
reader, jpcsbabygirl +, writes (28 August 2010):
set him down and say baby i love you and will you please hear me out i dont want you to get mad because i love you i just really think you get upset easily and please dont get mad because im telling you this but i would really like you to seek help....AND if you dont want to will you at least talk to me about stuff instead of getting upset so easy i love you and i dont like seeing you angry..................Thats what i said to my boyfriend of three years who is VERY tempermental lol it helped a lot waaaayyyy more than you can imagine
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A
female
reader, kirra07  +, writes (27 August 2010):
If you really feel that he is for you, and as long his anger issues are not so extreme that he abuses you in any way, then be patient. Definitely professional help could be the answer, but he has to be willing to go and work to confront his problem. Everyone has problems and they're often very hard to face. No one likes being told that they need help. But very likely he does know that something's wrong and just needs to come to grips with it. So be patient and supportive. And express that it's important to you. And hopefully he will come around.
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A
female
reader, Oregongrl1 +, writes (27 August 2010):
Sweetie, you are doing all you can! it is totally up to him, to get help i agree w/ you. but do not put yourself in arms way of his anger issues they say they always take it out on those they love. enabling him is not good stand your ground and give him his space and show him that you are serious that he needs help! you cant support someone w/ anger issues that is for a professional not you. if you are afraid you are going to lose him well you are going to either way so take your chances and make a stand w/ him and that is if he doesn't get help you are out of there.
Good Luck!
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A
female
reader, NoNonsence  +, writes (27 August 2010):
Leave or you will regret it leave before things get so deep that you can't get away from him leave before he hurts you he sounds crazy
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A
male
reader, TimmD +, writes (27 August 2010):
 What you are describing is the very definition of "anger issues". Of course he's going to get angry when you confront him about it because, well.... he's got anger issues. The worst thing you can do is feel guilty for making him angry. Don't let him make you think these things are your fault.
Him choosing boxing is not a fix. It's simply redirecting his anger which isn't a cure. He's got some deeper issues that he has to get help with. Some professional help to be more exact. Be very cautious, though. If he ever physically attacks you while he's angry you must leave immediately. Even if he "acts" like he's going to hit you but doesn't.... that can easily escalate to physical abuse. And the fact that he's boxing now doesn't make things better... it makes the chance of physical abuse worse. BE CAREFUL. If he has hit you, no matter how sorry he seems... you must leave.
But to answer your question on how to approach him? A good solid relationship is when both partners can be open and honest with each other. He may not have to like what you say, but he should be open enough to at least listen to you and discuss it. If he won't listen to you or won't even let you talk, then you are not in an equal relationship. Don't be blinded by love.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 August 2010): you should just bring it up very subtly.. it might be a touchy subject for him so he might feel like your attacking him and that he has to defend himself, maybe suggest going with him, or suggest you both try it together and if he doesn't like it, you guys dont have to do it. just be honest with him and tell him you'd like him to be the best possible version of himself and that it might help. don't be pushy though, good luck!
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A
male
reader, James the Rocket  +, writes (27 August 2010):
Aha! You know the problem with these angry people? They can't escape from anger cos they get a reputation. He's probably a fair-minded person, am I right? The world is full of unfair people.
All of us have a temper and most of us are able to blow off steam without getting noticed. This is the main group,
Another lot of people get noticed when they blow off steam and get labeled angry. This is the second group.
A third group of people bottle things up, as they are doing the 'right thing' by not expressing anger. We often get penalised for shouting or swearing, so a lot take this option. So this group of bottlers gets labeled psycho when they do explode over seemingly nothing (but really everything).
There is a fourth group, who don't actually get angry. These are sociopaths. I'm not qualified to talk on them.
You see, I used to have a temper, but have learned not to worry about those f&^@en wombles!! I think I was in the 'let off steam and get noticed group' and at times in the 'bottle it up group' Not letting folks get to you has worked for me. Put up with their crap if you can't avoid it, but care nothing for it. Water off a duck's back. A calm retort also works, like "I think that you are wrong, it's like this"... or "no, you misunderstand what I am saying."
Let your boyfriend read your question and this answer. It will show him how much you care and may just set up a great relationship.
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