A
female
age
36-40,
*lacknBeautiful
writes:I have been talking to this guy for 4 months now and I think the relationship is based on sex. He drives trucks and is on the road a lot which leaves us to hang out 2 or 3 times a week. Whenever we hang out its just at his house we watch movies eat dinner and have sex. I've commented on the fact that we never acutally go out and do anything. He always tells me that we will but we never do. As of late we have been talking about trying anal sex, I'm sort of umcomfortable with it as I've never tried it before and I feel like I would have to totally have to be relaxed and trust the person I'm tryin it with. Last night we attempted it. I tried for a while, I didn't like it so I asked him to stop, he didn't want to, got pissed and told me to leave. I grabbed my things got dressed and never looked back. What do I do from here?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 December 2012): He has no interest in a loving relationship. He's a selfish ahole. He even shows signs of an abusive personality. Your instinct was, if this is a loving relationship- we would be doing fun couple things that build the friendship of the relationship as well as sexual intimacy.
I say count your blessings!
Ring in the New Year with a lesson learnt. Always rely on your gut instinct. You already knew you did not trust or love this man and didn't want anal sex yet chose to give it a try.
Its not what you want and really- who just does that in the beginning of a relationship? Its not even a 'norm' of intimacy of the average couple as most women loath the idea let alone find it very uncomfortable, unsexy, and does not leave them feeling a desired woman. The opposite in fact. Its for the very few couples that DO have a very loving, trusting dynamic and even then, its not something that is ongoing.
A
male
reader, nudist1 +, writes (19 December 2012):
a sexual relationship is about two people, when you wanted to stop trying something new to you, he should have accepted that, done and over till you wanted to try it again. Apparently it was all about him. He didnt care about you at all. Move on try to find someyone that respects you . good luck !
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 December 2012): He's obviously a selfish jerk so its good riddance.
However you played a role in getting yourself hurt too. You felt like the relationship was only based on sex. You did not like this. Yet you went along with his request for more sex and not only that but you let him pressure you into doing things you already knew you were not comfortable with
It seems you have no boundaries. When you don't have boundaries (or when you don't protect them from being breached) you are opening yourself up to being used and abused by others. It would help to examine why you have no boundaries. Are you a people pleaser or at least when it comes to your relationships? Were you raised to believe boundaries were bad or that you shouldn't have them? You need to figure out why you got into this relationship so you don't repeat this mistake
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A
female
reader, Daisy_Daisy  +, writes (19 December 2012):
 What you do from here is be very glad you didn't give in and you said "no" when you did. Don't contact him, don't speak to him at all, unless he contacts you in which case feel free to tell him how you feel, keeping it cool and concise. Then no contact.
You went against your gut instinct, so for the future I think you already know you should pay more attention to that. If you're not truly relaxed and trusting in someone, best to stay away from stuff like anal sex, or perhaps even any sex....
That was a nasty thing to happen. Take care of yourself.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (18 December 2012):
 You never talk to the turd again. You wasted 4 months on this guy already, let it go.
And I think your gut is right, is was just a "relationship" based on sex.
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A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (18 December 2012):
 Couldn't have said it better than SVC, you are indeed a penis-holder. Don't look back. Don't talk to him again. You are not his masturbation toy.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 December 2012): what an asshole. It seems obvious he only views women as sexual objects. This dude is not someone you want to waste your time on nor settle down with. Find yourself someone who treats with respect & caring.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (18 December 2012):
 Now what you do is find a man who actually wants to have REAL relationship with you, and I mean the whole nine yards. Don't settle for less.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (18 December 2012):
 NEVER LOOK BACK
you told him to stop
he didn't want to stop
you are nothing but a handy penis holder to this man
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A
male
reader, N91 +, writes (18 December 2012):
 Continue you life without him in it. Simple.
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