A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My BF got married under parents pressure but ran towards me in just a month.For 1yr, we are again dating.will he divorce and come permanently?We were in serious relationship for almost 5 yrs. But, he had to get married under parents pressure. I was completely shattered at that time. Within 1 month of his marriage, he contacted me and after much of his persistent, I started meeting him and casual phone talking, Now its been 1 yr of his marriage and our freshly start dating. He has been very supportive and guilty (for leaving me earlier) for last 1yr. Even more caring than he used to be before his marriage. Now, I want him to come to me permanently as I can't spend my life in mid-way like this. Will he divorce for me? will he marry me? How to make his mind for divorce...pls advice. pls help me out.
View related questions:
divorce Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 July 2010): If you want to get this guy to divorce his wife, and marry you, you only have one move -- get tough, and cut him off.
You dated this guy for five years, and he didn't propose.
You were waaayyy to easy on him, and he took you for granted. After he married and couldn't have you, he realized you were special. Now he's back, because you have always set the bar for his behavoir very, very low.
Now you have given him a reminder of what he could have had.
TELL HIM -- "I don't want to continue seeing you. Dating a married man was never part of my plan for myself. There are things I want to do and be in my life. If you were not married, it might be different, but you are married so this is over."
DON"T TELL HIM -- that you will wait for him; that you love him or that you will never love any one else as much; or anything about your deserving better. That should be obvious. DONT TELL HIM that if he gets a divorce you will be with him. He'll assume he has forever to decide. He has to understand that your life is moving ahead without him.
Unless he's calling about his divorce, and your marriage tell him you don't want him to call.
Do not say you will be his friend. Forget it. It's all or nothing.
BE PATIENT. This may take a couple months. In the interim, mean what you say. Get yourself together. Take classes, go places, see other guys. When he comes back you proably won't even want him. Which begs the question --
Why do want this idiot in the first place?
He is not the star of your life YOU ARE.
If you want marriage and maybe a family, go out and get it, Girl! This loser Mama's Boy didn't cut it, and his marrying someone else is the best thing that could have ever happened to you. Let him ruin the rest of her life. You're free of him.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 July 2010): Well said Q1605!! He married someone else..what else do you want from him. He clearly does not want you.
...............................
A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (4 July 2010):
 You have unrealistic expectations. What you see is what you get. Believe it or not, your choice.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 July 2010): You don't need to have a way to find out if he is using you. He clearly is.
You have been emotionally manipulated by him and he clearly has no intentions of leaving anyone for you, you should tell his wife and him that it's over at the same time together
...............................
A
female
reader, Elydiese  +, writes (3 July 2010):
Look if he gives up everything for you then your all he's got left, he's not leaving his wife he wont give up everything for you, he's not coming back to you, i suggest you try to move on and find someone who wants to be with you completely because you'll get nowhere with this guy
...............................
A
female
reader, Carrot2000 +, writes (3 July 2010):
 If he caved under his family's pressure to marry her, do you honestly think he's suddenly strong enough to stand up to them now?
You're dealing with a coward.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 July 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi people, so thanks for your honest advice..pls tell me how can i find out if he is 'using' me. I feel (as he has said) he realized how wrong he had done under parents pressure. I have seen him bursting into tears whenever i threaten to come out of this relationship as my life is stuck for last more than 1 year.. pls tell me how to make him come back to me? seems like as he just need a single push to decide..pls tell me. I'm on crossroads.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (2 July 2010): I'll make it short. You don't think your worth what your worth, he know this. I belive strongly we teach people how to treat us. You told him his behavior is acceptable to you so natually he's taking advantage of you. People do what you allow them to do period. You and you alone are responsible for your own happiness and so far you haven't make the correct progress to make that happen for yourself. He's willing to make others unhappy to please himself. Dosent that say something about him. This is a hardship you have brought on yourself. He didn't choose you, he didn't. It's absolutely not where anyone wants to be in their lives. He won't leave her. Marriages even unhappy marriages last many many years. If you wait around you will loose, not him. You
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 July 2010): No, you sound like your bring used if he really loved you he wouldn't care what his family said or did
...............................
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (2 July 2010):
 I highly doubt it. I think TimmD gave the clearest advice and I agree 100% with him.
Move on.. Get a life, be happy, live, love, laugh.
...............................
A
female
reader, Elydiese +, writes (2 July 2010):
Why on earth would he get a divorce his family is happy his wife is happy he's happy now because he's got you on the side as his mistress which means your happy because you're dating him so why would he leave it all
...............................
A
female
reader, LLindy87 +, writes (2 July 2010):
 There's a book called "He's just not that into you". and there are two chapters in there that would be helpful for you to look at. chapter 5: He's just not that into you if he's having sex with someone elsechapter 10: He's just not that into you if he's MarriedYeah, there are some exceptions in these things, but in general, you are the rule, not the exception. Being the exception is rare and you must assume you're the rule for some peace of mind. You deserve someone better, someone who is single and can give you all of him. Someone who is less complicated and isn't a pushover for parents pressure.
...............................
A
male
reader, TimmD +, writes (2 July 2010):
 From a statistical / unbiased point of view, experience tells us:
He will NOT leave his wife.
He will NOT upset or go against his family.
He WILL run around secretly with you.
He WILL choose his family over you. (he did already)
This will never change. This type of behavior will continue because the contributing factors are all in place and staying in place. (His family, you, his wife, etc) Nothing is changing so therefor he has no reason to change.
...............................
A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (2 July 2010):
I agree, why would he get a divorce? His family is happy and he has a tidbit on the side whenever he feels like a little snack. Wake up and smell the coffee.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 July 2010): Got married under parent's pressure... sweety that is what he is telling you. Sorry but he got married cos he loved her and you not enough. He is now having his cake and eating it too. When will we women wake up and smell the coffee!!! There's no such thing as "i married so and so cos my mom said" that is total b*** crap. Sorry. You need to find a single man who will love you enough to marry you, not someone else and still sleep with you.
...............................
|
