A
female
age
51-59,
*appy24birthday
writes:Been putting this off because I don't want to be blasted for putting up with this nor for being in this kind of relationship. I just need coping tips. I'm seeing a guy, and it's mostly just about sex. I say "mostly" because I need his attention as well as enjoying his sex. We meet about once every couple weeks or so. After we hook up, I usually don't hear from him until he's ready to meet again. He normall will start texting me and then we will meet a couple days after that. Although I know his pattern, as this has been happening for 5 months, it's incredibly difficult for me to get through the period of no contact. I don't know why he does it; I've talked to him about it and he got better for awhile, but now back to the same. I started feeling better about it and felt confident that he would be back, so I had a short time that I had no worries. Now it's bothering me again and affecting other areas in my life. I am not ready to break it off with this guy nor do I feel like I can talk to him about it, as I want this to be fun and not a burden or chore for him. I just need coping skills and confidence builders to make it through the no contact periods. Any feasible ideas outised of telling him to kiss my butt?
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 February 2009): Ok, I won't blast you for using this guy for sex and the little bit of attention you are getting from him.
But you have to know that this is hurting you emotionally and is hurting your self esteem and is affecting other areas of your life.
I think you know it would be best to never take this guy's calls again, as the other aunts have stated, you know what you are to this guy.
But if you are desperate and lonely and want to use him for sex.....then the way to cope with it is to not sit around and "wait" during the no contact periods.
Get out and do the things you like to do, and if he calls and you have other plans for the night he wants to see you then turn him down flat and suggest another time....you take your power back. You also need to be asking him some questions, like are you married, are you in a long term relationship and bored what's up, dude?
Make yourself a priority, and get out and meet other men, make some friends with men, go on dates with other men, and let as many men as you like take care of you emotionally, and be authenticly you and you will find someone who really wants YOU.
But, if this guy is hurtin your self esteem, you need to stop it now.....and get rid of him.....he will never be anything more to you than a booty call, if in 5 months he hasn't done anything to keep you, he is not interested, period.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 February 2009): Sweety, the reason he can go periods of time without contact, is because he IS 'disconnected' from you emotionally. And you give him exactly what he wants..gosh, he doesn't have to do much work here to keep you around. Why shoud he? You don't put much demands on him, do you? You will never get anywhere with any guy, or gain any more attention if you don't get his respect. Doesn't sound like he respects you. How can you cope? If you dump him, you will cope a lot better. I think the damage is done here. He doesn't care and his inattentiveness is dragging you down. It's making you feel like crap. The best thing to do..is kick his butt to the curb and go find a man who deserves your time, and your attentions but make absolutely sure you set a boundary by telling any future bf, what you want from him in return. And no more hopping into bed and agreeing to be a booty call... that's just plain self-degrading, hun. A lot of men can do this type of thing but women have a tougher time...they engage their hearts, especially when physical intimacy, comes into the picture (we're wired differently) And some guys do too. But a lot more men are able be unemotional, disengage, go cold and will boink a female body without any feelings for her, as a person with intellect and a personality. I think you've been had..now dump this loser and go find someone more worthier. Good luck and look out for yourself!
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