A
female
age
36-40,
*airygurl
writes:Been with my bf 4 a year.. during foreplay if im givin him a handjob he gets hard, but then if i stop at all for even a minute to get a condom he goes soft...whats the problm? Like i mean completely soft!!
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (29 June 2008): Often this is due to anxiety, and it becomes a vicious cycle, the more he worries it will happen the more likely it is to happen. The way to remove his worry about it is to talk it through with him. Having these conversations can feel difficult at first but if you are able to have them, not only does it have the potential to improve your sex life but it can open up your relationship to a different kind of communication and intimacy, which can help you grow as a couple and as individuals. Give it a go!
For example, what would it be like for you to have a session where the aim was not to try and have sex, but to try out different things that get him hard, and others that cause him to go limp, and then more things that get him hard again? If you just try and play around with it, not only might you learn a few things, but if he feels that there are things you can do together to get him hard if he does lose his erection, it will give him more confidence and decrease his worry, and may solve the problem.
Its worth mentioning that anxiety is only one possibility, and if you try a few things and nothing works, be open to other possibilities. Consulting a doctor for some advise is worth doing too.
Good luck and have fun, remember, it doesn't have to be too serious a topic!
A
male
reader, oldfool  +, writes (27 June 2008):
 He should seek medical help for this. It may be a physical problem. It may be psychological. But going soft is not good for you, and it's not good for his ego, either. (In fact, the more he worries, the harder it is to get a hard-on. It's a vicious cycle.)
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 June 2008): He has some impotence problems. The only things that I am aware of that causes impotence is drugs, sometimes smoking, and sometimes alcohol. Do you know if he does drugs (cocaine or anything?). Or was he drunk at the time? Does he smoke? These can all be factors.
My biggest concern is to make sure he doesn't use drugs, particularly cocaine. Cause you don't want to be dating someone with any kind of addictions. If you know he doesn't, and he definitely wasn't drunk, then perhaps he has a medical condition or he is taking a medication that is impairing his functions.
I guess if you are tactful you could just ask.
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