A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Does anyones husband make you feel guilty for spending time away from the kids and him? I have other married friends and their husbands really dont care what they do and they go out with friends and shopping etc.. Really If i go out i get the guilt treatment for days and he really hangs it over my head like, well arent you lucky you have time to yourself. Look i offer my husband to do what he wants when he wants to... I really dont care, actually i would prefer. I feel critized for all that i do with him, and when i spend a night with my friends ... it is never ending saga! Is this normal? Fyi.. we have 3 kids, i go to school and am a stay at home mom. I just find it very hard to defend myself with everything i do all day. I really just want out. I have not had a good marriage with him for 2 years now. I am happier when he is not near, etc.. He is a great guy, father, it is just so much nicer when he is gone! Any thoughts? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (22 November 2009): He is insecure and controlling and will drive you to the ground if you do not stand up to him. I have a very close relative with this behavior and this behavior will never stop. I liken it to being mentally ill because this person does not see reason or logic in his arguments (just like your husband and his friends reasoning.) In fact he may imagine affairs that you may be having and any look from a stranger will cause an argument.
If you want to deal with this the rest of your life stand by but if you can't stand it walk as he will torment you (in my experience).
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 November 2009): I appreciate your responses. We have had this talk before and he thinks he is not wrong. He refuses to hang out with his friends so i should not hang with mine. I thinks it is twisted!! Whatever he thinks, no matter what he is correct! I need to live up to the wife he wants me to be, and when i detour he makes sure i know .. I am just so feed up.
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A
female
reader, natasia  +, writes (22 November 2009):
 I'm sorry - his behaviour is not reasonable, and not fair, and the whole thing must be very wearing. Maybe you should do as you say and extract yourself so he can do his bit with the kids but stop controlling you.
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A
female
reader, dianalynn1821 +, writes (21 November 2009):
 I have been in an engagement such as this. He is either two things...
1st- Very insecure. Either from past relationship or just by nature. This is not your fault. Communicate with him, and see a marriage counselor, I know many marriages that had hit rock bottom but were saved because the couple went to a good councelor.
2nd- He's controlling. Now that your his wife, he thinks he has the right to tell you when you can go out. But this is the 21st century and two people in a marriage must be equals.
The best thing to do is just communicate with him. Talk it out, not argue or yell at eachother. Explain to him that its healthy to have a little time away from eachother. You spend time with the girls, and he should spend time with the guys. Get a sitter, and go out on a date with him. Show him that your girls arent the only ones you want to go have a fun night out with, he may just be feeling left or jealous out and dealing with it all wrong. Sometimes the sex in a marriage can add stress as well. Make sure you have a good sex life with your husband. It might help. Good Luck
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (21 November 2009):
Time for a serious talk. He actually sounds just a bit controlling. If you're happier when he's away, then maybe you always feel overwhelmed by him, and not just for this reason. You shouldn't have to defend yourself at all. You probably do more than he does being a mother, so for him to moan isn't really acceptable. And two years is a long time for this to happen. I'm sure you feel that you want out, but this might be fixable. It would be a shame for you to end it without seeing if he can listen to what you have to say. I would really suggest sitting down with him and asking him why he feels this way. Don't be afraid to tell him straught that you feel the marriage is in serious trouble. You might even need to consider couselling. I though, he won't listen at all, then you do need to consider your own happiness.
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