A
female
age
51-59,
*onfused1124
writes:I find myself continuously letting my boyfriend know that it feels as though he would rather spend what little free time we have with anyone else doing anything else as long as I'm not around. It hurts my feelings and it feels like he pulls me in closer to him only to shove me further away.I'm at a loss. He asks about my day but then tunes me out the minute I start to talk.I tell him it feels like having a room mate with benefits, and this just causes him and I to get into a fight. I express myself and my feeling s and he gets mad, however when I don't he gets made. What is the deal??
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 August 2016): First make sure that when you're bringing it up it's not an attack. "hunny don't hang out with your friends and spend all your free time with me, you're friendships aren't important" is something guys don't like. "Babe can we have dinner and a movie together one night this week" followed by rejection would mean he's a douche if regularly occurring. How long have you been together in comparison to how much time you do and should ideally spend together.
A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (26 August 2016):
 You've described an exquisite "double bind".... circumstances in which you have no "correct way" to act or speak....
Try to be as accommodating as you can be (as Honeypie suggested) ..... BUT, if you find there is "no way" that you can get off the eggshells that you've been walking on...then reconcile to yourself that this "relationship" isn't meant to be.....
Good luck...
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (26 August 2016):
 Sometimes it's all about HOW you express yourself to him, do you make it seem like HE is at fault or do you try and express your feelings without pointing fingers?
Now I'm not saying you HAVE to walk on eggshells when talking to him, but sometimes the wording can make it less accusatory and easier to "swallow".
Honestly though, it does sound like he is passive-aggressive about it. When you point out "faults" get doesn't just gets defensive, he goes on the offense.
I would suggest you talk to him about HOW HE would suggest you bring up issues. Because EVERY relationship HAS issues. And they NEED to be dealt with, not swept under the carpet.
To me it seems like he thinks if he shuts you down, there ARE no problems. And long term? That isn't going to work.
http://www.lovepanky.com/love-couch/better-love/how-to-fight-fair-in-a-relationship
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