A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I used to enjoy flirting on dating apps and kinda having text and online relationships. I was in love with someone at the time. He found out about it, left, came back after I had convinced him it was nothing which was exactly what it was and I promised I wouldnt do it again. It was the same pattern over and over again until the last time four years ago. I have tried to love someone else and the biggest mistake of my life just keeps on haunting me. He changed his phone number and still treats me like a stranger. I wonder if really he still loves me and if there is any way back after four years.
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female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (12 November 2022):
 Well, this man DID love you, otherwise he would not have given you so many chances to abuse his trust. However, once you have killed trust, there is seldom any way back. He gave you chance after chance but nothing changed. Would you read a book for a second time and expect the ending to be different? Would you watch a film for a second time and expect it to end differently? Why would you revisit a relationship where your partner repeatedly demonstrated she could not be trusted? It's a shame it took him so long to learn that lesson. However, it appears he has finally learned it and good for him.
He knows he cannot trust you. He has changed his number and treats you like a stranger because he is finally done with your lack of respect for him. You too need to learn a lesson from this and not treat anyone else in this way.
A
male
reader, kenny +, writes (9 November 2022):
 Well they say what goes around comes around don't they.
You ask if he still loves you, and is there anyway back after four years, and like Honeypie says i am going to go with probably not, infact almost certainly not.
He changed his number, and treats you like a stranger, well i think if i was in his shoes i would have done the same. You messed him around, broke the trust barrier along with his heart i should imagine. I only hope he has forgotten all about you and has met someone who loves and respects him.
I think its time for you to put this to bed now and move on yourself.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (9 November 2022): You was cheating and would the shoe be on the other foot you would not have classed it as being nothing. I would say 4 years on shows he does not love you anymore and treating you as a stranger is because he sees you as either a stranger or a bad memory.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (9 November 2022):
 "I wonder if really he still loves me and if there is any way back after four years."
Probably not.
I hope he has found someone who CHOOSES to be faithful and who isn't in need of constant attention and validation from other men.
Maybe, just maybe.... You should focus on why you thought your behavior was ever OK and why you would lie to a partner. Say one thing and then do whatever YOU want. If you were a teenager, I'd say learn from this lesson, but you are too old to not know what you did was detrimental to the relationship. You just didn't care.
Maybe find a therapist and work on yourself. Be better and do better.
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