A
female
age
51-59,
*ood enough
writes:i have been in relationship for 9 years. He broke up with me after 7 only to find out he was trying relationship with someone else. started dating again, then about 5 months ago saw text from another girl, he said nothing happened just flirting got carried away. Now we fight almost all the time, trust is hard. He expects it. questions only cause fights. He lost his home to fire a few months ago and instead of him staying with me he rented house. I love him but everyday its harder to keep going. Is there any hope at all for our relationship?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 September 2008): Dear Poster
I think you know the answer;I am sure you know what you have to do but needs to hear it for somebody else.
Love is not enough to make a relationship work or last.
If there is a lack of trust you have a major problem and I don't blame you (given the history) I can understand.
This guy is not giving you what you want and need from a relationship; you are not happy and do not feel valued, loved or respected; why are you wasting your time with him?
Seeing that you have been together for so long; I suggest you talk to him in a very nice and calm manner; explain to him how you feel and what you want from the relationship; LISTEN to him carefully and see if there is a way that you can resolve these issues; if you both want the same FUTURE;if you can overcome the stumbling blocks and issues from the past and present; I suggest you consult a counselor and get help to MOVE FORWARD;
OTHERWISE stop holding onto something that is maybe only an illusion.
Sometimes a fire is burnt out, but you can revive it from the coals, other times there are just ashes and you cannot revive the fire, no matter how much you try.
Only you can make the decision about your future; but don't allow yourself to be unhappy and to hope for miracles and changes if there is no hope and all your efforts might be in vain.
You need to take care of YOU; you need to do what is best for you and your future and your happiness. You deserve lots of love, respect and happiness, if he cannot offer you that; you know what to do.
Keep us posted.
Best wishes and keep SMILING
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