A
female
age
41-50,
*msy0002005
writes:i was in a realionship with my partener for seven years. we have a 5 year old daughter together 3 weks again he telephoned me and told me it was over and hed meet someone else he has started a new relationship with her and i'm totally heartbroken i absolutley adored him he was my world now he can barley look at me when he comes to pick up our daughter i miss him so so much please help
View related questions:
heartbroken Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 February 2008): Listen honey, your young, you can move on with your life, get out more, make new friends, always look your very best when he comes to pick up/drop off your daugher and dont let him know how much this is hurting you. Show him that you are getting on with your life also, that cos you are no longer 2gether that your life has come to an end also...
Thats a terrible way to treat anyone. But 7 years is a long time at your age to be with some one... People grow up and change in those years - I kno I did. I was with my ex for 8 years and I fell out of love with him, found that I wanted different things than what he did and it led to horrible rows so in the end I had leave him. It was a very hard decision to make but I'm so glad that I did it.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 February 2008): Oh you poor thing. That is awful that you are going through this. That is why I can't stress enough (and hopefully you can give this advice to your daughter someday) that it is so important to wait till you are older and more experienced before you have children. With every new relationship comes experience and you learn what type of guys to avoid and what mistakes to avoid and you wisen up. That is why it is important to go through a few relationships before having children. And not only go through a few relationships but also go through alot of experiences in life. Travel and education and exposure to different things can also do so much for your maturity. And when you finally feel ready, you can be so much more successful at meeting the right one to have children with because you are alot more perceptive at knowing what guy truly is mature enough to handle this kind of responsibility. And furthermore, you are more ready to handle this kind of responsibilty, with or without a guy.
But when you are so young, you often don't know how to weed out the good guys from the bad guys. You haven't been through enough in life and through enough relationships to really know how to pick and choose the right one for you. Furthermore, in case anything should happen, you are not ready to handle this responsibility on your own. So you have a child with the first guy that comes along and this is what he does to you. Now you will always have the child, but you no longer have the guy. Why? Cause he wasn't the right guy to have a child with and it wasn't the right time. If you had waited to have a child, you would have still found out he was a chump, only difference is that you wouldn't have had a child to care for. He would have left you anyways, but you would have been single and unattached and could have more easily moved on and found a more appropriate guy to have a child with. And the reason I tell you this is because you have a daughter, and I hope that you can pass this wisdom onto her someday.
In any case, what is done is done, and you have a beautiful daughter that you have to take care of no matter what. She is your prime responsibility. For your own self esteem, I would not take this guy back even if he begged.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 February 2008): Well really! What a cad! Were there any particularly significant problems in the relationship that you were aware of. I'm so sorry goodness knows you must be feeling pretty low right now. Is there a possibility of getting any 'closure'? How long has he known this woman?
It's hard to answer this question without knowing some more info really. However for now, all you can do is protect yourself and your daughter. I'm sure you do miss him but maybe if you step back you might come to feel differently about him because of the callous way he has behaved..........could it be, that although you are hurting a lot now, he has done you a bit of a favour? Is this him showing his true colours? I don't know what other people on here will say & I'm new to this and there's some really good Aunts/Uncles who give great advice on here and who have given me some good advice recently - but I'm thinking that his behaviour is cold and shows a rather unpleasant side to him, unless there is more background to it all like had you been arguing a lot, had there been any other issues etc??
He has been with you for a long time and you have a child - it could be that this is what is sometimes known as the '7 year itch' and this thing he's got with this other woman will burn itself out. Or it could be that your relationship got routine without you both noticing and he can't see any more future in it the way things are at the moment? Either way, running off with another woman is NOT the way to sort this out - it's rather weak and cowardly of him and a bit shallow if you don't mind me saying so ...
You could try discussing it calmly with him at some point and suggest marriage counselling?
For now, I know it is hard and it will take a lot of mental and physical energy out of you but sit tight, look after yourself, make sure you look beautiful and sparkling (for you, all the time) so that other people notice you positively (this will increase your self esteem again) and then there is the added bonus that you look good when he comes round........let him see what he is missing. Have fun with your daughter, treat yourself, pamper yourself a bit if you can and think long and hard about the type of man he is and whether you want to cut your losses (you are still young and there ARE some good guys around who would treat you well) or whether you want to try and make a go of it with him. Without knowing his relationship with the other woman (ie, serious/fling/rebound) it's hard to know what to do.
Sit tight and I'm sure you will get some other (better!) answers from some of the wise Aunts/Uncles who've been around on this site for a while. Whenever you miss him too much, try and replace him with doing an activity you enjoy, talking to a friend etc etc .. I know it IS hard but you CAN do it and for now, it looks as though you have to. He has behaved badly and I would be seriously asking myself the question do I want to get back with this man if he can behave like this and if yes, will he do it again??? You presumably don't want a life with a man who runs off with another woman every time the going gets a bit tough for him, or things get a bit routine - such men tend to be on the whole, losers!
Take care and good luck - I hope you get some helpful answers and whatever happens with him, you will be happy again and you might one day look back and laugh and smile and THANK him for doing you a favour.
A close friend of mine, by the way, lost her husband to an affair 15 years ago (she is now in her fifties) and at the time she was gutted, crying herself to sleep etc and she had a toddler to look after but she has since THANKED him because her life now is so much better - AND he did NOT stay with the affair but that burnt out and he is now married to another (very nice) woman who is becoming increasingly miserable due to his selfishness and now suspects him of having affairs. Perhaps you could talk to a counsellor and also yoga and relaxation classes and gentle exercise etc can help to stop the stress building up and release the stress that is already there. All the best & my warmest wishes to you. Look after YOU. xxx
...............................
A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (25 February 2008):
 If a man's heart is not in it , you should move on and stop crying over spilt milk.
You should take back control of your life and start rebuilding your life without him.
Live each day as it comes.
Over time the pain will heal and you'll be ready to let others in and share your wonderful self with them.
This is a great site and a balm for broken heart;-
http://www.been-dumped.com/brokenheart.php
...............................
A
female
reader, TELLULAH +, writes (25 February 2008):
 Hi,
It's the pits when someone leaves and you dont know where it went wrong, and I really feel for you. But if your partner has decided that he no longer wants to be part of the family, unfortunatly there's not much you can do.
You will get lots of advice telling you time will heal, and it truly does. But it all takes time, and thats the worse part. The only thing that I can advise you to do, is spend time with your family and friends, and keep as busy as possible. Another thing that I would advise NOT to do, is get drunk. It seems like a good idea at the time, and while you are getting drunk, and having fun, it kind of numbs the pain. But then when you start to get overly merry, things will feel ten times worse.
Honey! probably 9 out of 10 people on here have had things like this happen. Life can be very cruel at times. But think about the fact of what this guy did. Would you truly want to be with a man that can walk out on his family that easy. I'm sure that you feel at the moment, that you want him back. But in the future you will be glad that he went.
All things happen for a reason, and it will get better.
Take care , and be strong XXX
...............................
|
