A
female
age
41-50,
*leepless1183
writes:Am I deceiving myself or could this really work? I must admit, in the past few weeks that my boyfriend and I have been dating, I've taken up snooping on him. I know it's wrong, but, for some reason, I've felt I've had to. I've discovered that he's been corresponding with a female friend of his that he was friends with in high school. She lives in another state now. I know they talk very often online and they exchange pictures. I've been jealous of this but never really thought that he was doing some completely wrong. The other day, though, I saw that he had taken some pictures of himself in his boxers and sent them to her. When I approached about this, without directly saying how I'd seen, he blatantly denied it. I also saw that she some pictures, oddly enough, of her bra. Not her in it. Just the bra. After fessing up and telling him I saw the e-mail, he told me that they are just friends and that this is not abnormal behavior. I think it is though. But I don't feel I want to give him any ultimatums. I'm also not really prepared to break up. I find myself not 100% happy in the relationship now, but not wanting to leave. What should I do? A part of me believes this is cheating, even though there is no physical contact between them. It leaves me insecure, thinking that maybe because they've known each longer, that there is more of a profound connection between the two of them. Otherwise, I think this guy's a good one. But perhaps I've got my blinders on.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 January 2007): Regardless of how others might respond to this, I think there is one thing you must keep in mind here...You went to him with a valid concern and He LIED TO YOU. The only reason he should have to lie is he's trying to hide something and doesn't want to be faced with the consequences. You need to go with your gut. You're not wrong in thinking something is going on and if he won't be honest and upfront about it, then you need to decide if you're relationship can succeed with that lack of trust and communication. Remember, this is just the stuff you KNOW about. If you choose to go forward with the relationship then don't kid yourself about what it is or how it's going to turn out. But if not and you move on, then don't settle for anything less. I would also find it interesting to know how he might react, or how you think he might react, if the roles were reversed. If he would be furious you were sending out pictures of yourself to guys you personally know or knew, then there you have it.Good luck!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 January 2007): Let's give your bf the benefit of the doubt shall we? Though mind you, I do despise the usage of that term. [sigh]
Right, so about his female friend whom he exchanges pics of that way with, why would it be abnormal? Based on what you think is normal obviously, but where did you get the idea that it was generally abnormal?
For example, I have a group of really close friends. There is this one female that I am particularily close to. We talk about the most profoundly disgusting things, things that more often than not makes me feel sick. Now, she has seen me in - let's just say, in a different 'light', and though I have not seen her, she has told me some of the most physically enticing teases ever, things that mainly flirts and lovers do. However, we keep a platonic relationship. In fact, I am in the process of setting her up again with one of my other very close male friends.
Of course mind you, not everyone can keep close opposite gender friendships and share some rather intimate things with on that level without ever crossing the border of just merely being friends. However, if you suspect your bf of being in love or in the process of being in love with his close female friend, then of course, you have the right to know whether that is true or not.
The thing is though, you're not 100% happy right? Well, who in the right mindframe would be 100% happy in a relationship? If a person is 100% happy in an intimate relationship, how much less than 100% would a person allow to feel before s/he feels that the partnership should be forfeited? Makes me wonder about the fraility of intimate relationships as a whole. "If you're unhappy, break-up." Makes me sick really.
Obviously, if THIS thing is making you feel depressed and stuff like that, then of course, you can tell him. If he persists, well then he's not the right type of guy for you. You need someone who is 100% at your beck and call, I'm sure. Someone who will cater to your all and ditch his friends just for you. This guy, if you say he is a good one, maybe he is, but just not your type of good.
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