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female
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anonymous
writes: I am in my late 30's and recently fell in love virtually at first sight (for the first time in my life). He had said he was experiencing the same things too and felt the same way I did. Our communication seemed really good -- we talked about our hopes and fears and all that.Things seemed surreal yet awesome.Then a week ago I started to feel distance. I acknowledged it to him merely to point it out. I had indicated that if he wanted to talk about it I was willing, but that I wasn't going to push. All I asked was "Are we okay"? He insisted we were.Then a few nights ago he broke it off with me on MSN of all things. He cited that things were going "too fast too soon, that he was undecided" but then said he "wasn't ready for a long-term committment". He also then claimed he felt no passion. When asked if he was truthful about things he said, he basically started to talk in circles.My take on it is that he DID feel those things -- that they were genuine for him at the time, but that the pace and the reality of a long-term relationship just scared the heck out of him.I'm just wondering, did he run out of fear, or was he possibly playing me? I ask not to get him back, I ask because I want to be able to recognize signs of untruth and panic next time around.For the record, I have no intention of trying to contact him. He made his decision for whatever reason, and if he changes his mind, he knows where I live.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 November 2006): Did you meet in person or was this an online friendship?
I think if you meet someone and get into "relationship" and "us" talk very early on, the danger is that you are both infatuated, without knowing whether your hopes, dreams and goals are the same - anyway, its MUCH too soon to be talking of any future together in the early stages.
You DO need to be able to see whether your outlook on life and your values mesh. You also need to discover whether you have interests in common (you like doing the same activities - or not. Or he loves going out and mixing with people, whereas you might be more of a stay-at-home sort of person, for instance).
How often were you together? Its not a good idea to spend all your spare time in each other's company - he had his life before you met, and you had yours - both of you still do, of course.
Any or all of this could have scared him off if he was getting signals that you were wanting to settle down with him - wanting, or even just only hinting - for too much too soon. He may well have NOT been playing with you. He WAS keen to begin with, but as he told you, felt that it was developing too fast, too soon. That WOULD tend to make him feel undecided and want to back off, and passion diminishing would be part of that process.
I guess I'd say, next time, take it slower - even if you do feel its love at first sight! and take the time to gradually get to know him. Good luck!
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