A
female
age
30-35,
*pendy
writes:Why do I feel the way I do? is it normal? ?I loved my ex boyfriend so much, I never cheated on him or lied to him. He was so sweet and lovely told me he loved me everyday and I believed him cos all his actions told me he loved me.He suddenly broke up with me saying he didn't want a relationship anymore and that he has fallen out of love with me.I find out after the break up he was cheating on me the whole time. I asked him if it was me he said no, I was the perfect girlfriend I was amazing, I didn't do anything wrong. Is him not me. We've been broken up for almost 7months now but am scared to get close to another guy. Just the thought of starting a new relationship scares me. There are a many guys that wants to take me out on dates but I always cancel on them and some of them have even stop speaking to me:(Why do I feel the way I do? I cried so much over my ex.. I've never cried over any guy like that. I was broken but am good now.Thanks..
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female
reader, chickpea2011  +, writes (17 October 2011):
 Hi,
I know how you feel. Words cannot describe the pain. It affects you emotionally, physically, mentally. Destroy your self esteem, confidence, ability to trust people.
Just know that how you feel shows that you are a normal human being, with true feelings. It's only natural to feel this way, to feel insecure meeting new guys.. Just be glad that he broke up with you, because he's a cheater, has no integrity, morals, no class, immature, selfish. He will never change.. He did you a favor. Just be happy that he's out of your life, and that you will never see him again.
You deserve a true man... A man that will truly love you, respect you the way you deserve. I know it's hard, and take all the time you want, but eventually you need to start meeting new men. Who knows what you are missing. When you go on a date, don't pressure yourself to anything. Just have fun, enjoy, get to know... It's always nice to have someone you can share a meal, have drinks, just talk, laugh, and relax.
He's gone, and do not let him control your life, your happiness.
Best wishes/good luck
A
female
reader, meccamega  +, writes (14 October 2011):
Hi I know exactly how you feel, as my ex did exactly the same thing to me. Can I ask how did you find out he was cheating all along?
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (13 October 2011):
 I agree that it's okay to grieve. What this guy did was awful, and you lost both your innocence and your self-confidence. Not to mention your ability to trust has been shaken to the core over this guy.
So let me ask you this -- at which point will you stop allowing your ex to hurt you? Every day you spend locked up in grief and unable to move on is a day that your ex has taken from you. He's still winning. He's still hurting you.
Your past does not equal your future. Your ex burned you. You should turn that grief and hurt into something positive. Don't let your ex continue to hurt you. Enjoy the company of new men. They are not your ex.
Did you lose your virginity to your ex? Was he your first? If the answer is "yes", then you're also dealing with that goofy bonding chemical that happens often with a girl who loses her virginity to the guy. Once you recognize it, you can neutralize it by understanding that you do not need to have "closure" or vindication, and that your ex isn't worth one more single second of your pining after him or making yourself lonely out of fear.
Go out! Have fun! go slow! Enjoy a first date and go one step at a time! Allow yourself to dream again. Your ex must not have the power to take that from you. Take it back!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 October 2011): I can relate because I am just like one of those guys who tried to date you. Currently, I am dating a girl who was also cheated on in her last relationship. At first, I could tell what was going on in her mind. "This guy is just like another one of those f****ers" " I cant trust this guy"But with time, she has definitely become more available to me and the idea of us dating. Its hard to take that risk of hurting yourself emotionally, but if you are not willing to, you will miss out on a lot of opportunities that come your way. Find some peace and move on with your life and think less cynically. Not everyone is the same. There are a ton of great guys out there who can be respectful and dedicated to their girlfriends. It just happens you found a bad one. Doesn't mean you should give up on your emotional life. Give guys a chance.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 October 2011): Well, it is normal to feel like you do. He completely blindsided you with the break-up, and then to discover he was a cheater. He was perfectly deceitful the whole time.
He is right, it isn't you. It is him. He has some major problem. Maybe he just said that, but he's right.
If you can't date right now, then don't. But don't set up a date, either. If a guy asks you out, just say politely, "I'm not in a good place for dating now."
However, you can't be that way forever. You have to take a risk. I know it is scary, but you can't let this one bad experience ruin your chance at meeting a real person who will be good to you. Maybe start with a double date instead. Go with a friend and her boyfriend. Make it more of a friendly date.
Start slowly and take care of yourself. You've been badly hurt so you need to take some time to grieve.
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