A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I'm not quiet sure of what my question is but was hoping some people can shed some light on this scenario so i can understand things better to move on.recently a boyfriend of 3 1/2 months broke it off with me, out of the blue. it has been the best relationship ive been in and i got the impression he felt exactly the same way. the past few wks it has felt he has been avoiding me so i have felt disappointed as just want to be with him and for him to tell me whats wrong. of course fearing the worst (and probably being somewhat insecure) i started to withdraw myself. he 'dumped' me because he thought we didnt communicate however every time i saw him he didnt make any effort to talk to me in general let alone tell me what was on his mind. he takes the blame but also says i shouldve suggested more things to do also - which i admit was my own fault. i guess my question is, is this a valid reason to let someone go who one minute you like so much and the next dont want anything to do with? keeping in mind we were friends for several yrs prior to this relationship and were fine talking then. so its not just the relationship thats over but everything..i dont want to beg him to try it again but i dont see the sense in giving up so easily, if i mean anything at all...which i obviously dont :-(
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female
reader, Jolin  +, writes (11 August 2009):
 i guess the problem is only a misscommunication.
You said, that you FELT he has been avoiding you, so you FELT dissapointed. I catched the FELT word.
Yknow, girl.. he probably didnt avoid you. may be he just need some space to think his own problems.
You said, you are his girlfriend..so, if you think you were his girlfriend, why didnt you call him on that past weeks instead of withdrawing yourself??
And then, you said that he didnt make any effort to talk to you, ...if he didnt, why didnt you take any initiative to talk to him as a girlfriend?
Yknow, in my understanding..girlfriend has previlege to talk, to speak out, to complain, etc.
If you were withdrew, he would be confused. If a man confuse, usually he will tend to blame..although he may know inside his heart, it's his mistake..but it's very rarely.
My suggestion...cool down for 1 or 2 days, then text him :"I miss you" see what's his reaction? if the reaction is good... well..just spend time out togehter, movie or, picnic..
Good luck!^_^
A
female
reader, Basschick  +, writes (11 August 2009):
 I think his excuse is really code for "Your not my type" he just worded it differently. (Talk about not being able to communicate). Your relationship is relatively new. during the first few months of a relationship, people figure out if they mesh together; compliment each other, have enough in common to make it work over a longer period of time. Also, I suspect he met someone who was more blonde with bigger boobs and didn't have the guts to tell you the real reason he left.
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A
female
reader, Lexie88 +, writes (11 August 2009):
 The reason he gave you is a total lie, and he's trying to make himself feel better for hurting you by blaming you for the end of the relationship. I think that for whatever reason he just lost feelings for you. Perhaps the first 3.5 months he was infatuated with you and then he crashed down to earth and realized he wasn't that interested. Who knows why he changed his mind but you must know that it was nothing you did.
If he truly wanted to be with you he would have wanted to talk about any problems before just letting you go, don't you think? His excuse uis just that, a lame excuse.
I do know where he's coming from. I recently broke up with someone because I just wasn't attracted to him anymore and making myself think of a reason to tell him as to why I wanted to break up was really hard. It made me feel horrible for hurting someone but I just wasn't feeling anything anymore. Perhaps he feels like this and doesn't know what to say to you.
Whatever it was, it was NOT your fault, it's his own doing. I just don't like how he blames you for this, that's really low of him. And the other thing is, he did not decide this out of the blue. I can assure you that he's been thinking about it for some time and finally decided to let you go when he knew he couldn't give you what you wanted.
The other possibility is that there is someone else but I don't know you to go assuming this. But do think about this possibility.
What I can say to you is that you should not do anything to make this work. Let him go. If he decided he wasn't going to stick around it was for a valid reason. He might consider getting back with you because he wants to make you feel better but trust me, it won't go anywhere, you'll just end up more hurt than now.
I say let him go, learn from this experience, know that you did nothing wrong and realize that if he did not want to stick around he wasn't right for you and there is someone out there who is.
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