A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I am 29, he is 30 we both born in July month. We now have a child less than 6 months old, we met 5 years ago, dated in the first 2 years and met again in the fourth year, but our relationship has never really taken off, i.e. we don't go out, talk, get to know each other,meet our friends, family, he seems most interested in being intimate than other things, i have confronted him several times and he just denies this, he also has a history of cheating on his girlfriends, i have broken off the relationship several times as a result but he just comes back and well i take him back because i like him a lot but don't know how to make it work. i have initiated conversations about us, how we feel for each other but he just doesn't open up, i invite him to go out and he promises to join in but then 'forgets' or just changes his mind. we've been in and out of our relationship a lot.. i am the one who always breaks it off because he frustrates me. he doesnt's communicate, when we have problems he is not comfortable to sit and talk and resolve them, he just becomes distant. when i fell pregnant he was frustrated because it was his 2nd child within 2 years and he claims to have been in love with someone (whom he dated and the same time still pursuing me, he then became distant and i also pushed him away out of frustration. he is now back im life, we both taking care of child but i am so tired and stressed with all the hurts and pains from our past and no energy to confront the situation. we don't talk much as well, we just sit quiet together with our child and no one knows what to say. what do i do? i am not sure whether to cut my losses, cut him out of our life or keep him in and confront us.. i think we both are afraid to deal with matters.. pls help? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 April 2007): First off communication is the most important part of a relationship, it takes two dedicated people to make a relationship work.There are a couple different ways you can try to communicate with him, first try to approach him calmly and tell him exactly how you feel and set a time aside everyday just for you guys to talk about things, or go do somthing togeather like bowling or out to dinner where you can be alone to talk. If that doesnt work counseling might work. And if you see no improvement in the relationship then move on, you deserve to be happy and to really experiance the feeling of love, its an incredible feeling and one that shouldnt be passed up, luckily your still young.
A
female
reader, Jovial +, writes (11 April 2007):
 Hello
I am sorry but I have to agree with the other aunts, communication is a key to a successful relationship. Your relationship has become very dull you don’t seem to know what to do with him and he acts like he doesn’t care what happens next also. Someone might say men are not communicative but up to a certain degree is acceptable. I think this man has his own issues to resolve and I don’t think any of these issues involves you because he had been “mute” since you have dated him.
You said he was upset when he found out you were pregnant with his child and I am sure you will ask yourself a question what did he expect from having unprotected sex? Yes it is also your fault as it takes two but do you think a good man will resent you for that? I think he has not made any peace with that issue and unfortunately you will not know because he doesn’t share his feelings.
Forget this man and move on you are still very young to settle for this mess in fact no one deserves this. I can confidently say the relationship doesn’t look good it doesn’t make you to look forward to a romantic evening with him after work im sure when its time to go home you feel sick in the stomach and there is no better sign to show this relationship is dead cut your looses. However for your child’s sake find out from friends and family what is wrong with him, learn some things from his past because I am sure you will like to know what your child is in for so that you will know how to protect this child from his resentment.
Don’t forget you deserve better. Good luck
Jovial
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