A
female
age
30-35,
*urplegurl
writes:My boyfriend and I have been together for just over 3 years now and we've been living together for pretty much the whole time. Recently we started arguing a lot (before we'd obviously argue but we'd work it out straight away because it was over pettiness) and recently I moved back to my parents because we had a big argument that got blown out of proportion. I had felt left out and like he didn't want to spend time with me - before we would go out a lot not necessarily spending money (e.g. go for a walk to the park, bike ride etc) and when we did go out we were always with his friends, never just us two. So I challenged him over this and he said we didn't do a lot together because of a lack of money. We made up and then 3 days later he rang me from work and told me that he was going to go to the pub with his friend, and if his friend's girlfriend was going then I could come too. This upset me and when I challenged him over it the argument got out of control and I got my parents to pick me up. He told me he hadn't known how much money he had and had just worked out he had enough to go to the pub and didn't seem to understand why I was so upset!!!! I told him he was being unfair. Anyway, we have been speaking again and I felt like things were getting back on track but we decided we still needed time apart so I'm still at my parents about 50 miles away. We have been keeping in contact through skype or phone calls. The other night he told me on the phone he missed me so much and he wanted me to come home and all this other lovey-dovey stuff and said he would ring me or text me and we would chat on skype. The next day I sat at my laptop waiting and... nothing. I rang him and he was at his friends. This is not the 1st time he has ditched me for his friends. I don't understand how he can tell me how much he misses me and not even want to call me or anything - if he misses me that much surely I should be the 1st thing on his mind and he would want to talk to me, not see his friend (who he sees nearly every day and lives about 5 mins away so I know it's not because he doesn't get to see him a lot - oh and now they go to the gym together about 3 times a week)? How can I get him to realise he is hurting me when he seems to choose everyone else over me and doesn't seem to want to spend time with me?!!?! It's really getting me down.
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female
reader, xTheAlmightyDuckx +, writes (2 August 2011):
 Hello. Well it is aparent that you two not spending qaulity time with eachother is really putting a strain on your relotionship and surely he should as you are his girlfriend make more time for you.
You need to tell him that you can't make this relotionship work, if he doesnt commit and spend time with you, tell him of course you don't mind him going out with friends and having his alone time with his mates, but this is just too much.
You need to sit down and discuss when he wants to go out with his friends and maybe one day in the weekend he can go out with them, or whatever your both happy with.
If it just goes into another blazing row then you are simplely not going to make him see your point of view and for that reason i would consider where this relotionship is heading.
Also as your struggling for money just look for free events and bike rides and walks maybe sometimes with his friends but sometimes on your own just so you two can have some alone time together.
Hope this helps. x
A
female
reader, VSAddict  +, writes (2 August 2011):
 He has a right to spend time with his friends but that doesn't mean he shouldn't include you. Talk to your boyfriend one more time and tell him how you feel and let him know that you're serious. He needs to realize that you need him and that you don't have to spend money to have a good time. You could exercise together, have a picnic in the park, cuddle up and watch a movie together, have a romantic dinner, etc. Get your boyfriend to realize that there's all sorts of things you can do together to stay close and not spend money. Ask him to spend some time with you a few days out of the week, and if he refuses or doesn't give you time with him at least once or twice a week from now on, then maybe it's time to leave. You two need to be together sometimes and it doesn't seem that important to him. So tell him how you feel and ask if he'll change. And if he decides to change, make sure it's because he wants to and not so you'll stop nagging him about this. If he doesn't want to change, then it's time to find someone who won't put you on the back burner when things get comfortable.
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