A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hello there need some advice pleaseI am dating a GREAT guy, he is very attractive kind hearted, stable and treats me very well. He is truly one of the nicest and most genuine people I have ever met. The only thing is, sometimes he seems a little aloof. Background is he was divorced last year. (She left him for another.) That was the one and only woman he ever dated, or even kissed! (is what he tells me) so he had a tough time to recover.Sometimes he wants to be alone, and doesn't want to come over. Sometimes he just wants to hang out with "the boys." Sometimes he has to be at work til late. It hurts my feelings on the days when I don't see him, because no matter what I was doing I would squeeze him in even on a super busy day. On weekends I get lots of time with him but weekdays are super tough and I start crying because I miss him.On one hand, he seems to have a very healthy balanced lifestyle and he encourages me to be the same way, to pursue my hobbies and to further my education, and when I do get to see him (which is 3 or 4 days a week) he gives me full attention. On the other hand, why doesn't he try to see me every day? I feel so insecure that he doesn't like me as much. Also, he's 15 years older than IWhat should I do? Am I being too clingy? Is he being reasonable?
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 April 2011): It's normal to want to be close and spend intimate time with the one you love. However most men don't respond well to this. They feel smothered and feel the need for space. So my advice would be let him have his space, and act unaffected when he goes out with the guys. Be sweet encourage him to have a good time. Men love that. Then it will work in your favor and he'll want to be around you more. In the meantime find things to do with your time, keep busy, go out with the girls, so you're not focused on him so much. Because you will end up pushing him away.Also keep in mind he was hurt in the past this may have created a fear of intimacy or getting too close to you, try not to take it personally. seems he loves you. focus on yourself and don't rely on him to fulfill your needs and make you happy. You shouldn't be crying over not seeing him for a couple of days.. You need to figure out the real issue behind your emotions. It's healthy to have some space..
A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (3 April 2011):
 Am afraid if I am being truthful you are being very clingy yes. He only divorced a year ago so that means that you both havent been dating for a very long time. He has only came out of a marriage and he is going to be feeling insecure and he will have his gaurd up as he is probably afraid of getting hurt.He makes time for you three or four days a week. Which to me sounds really healthy and at least he is keeping it stable. We all want to have time on our own sometimes. Or even if we dont want to it is healthy to have some space. He is very level headed. If he wants to make time for his friends well this is great this shows that he is being independant. You should admire this as it sounds like it is only early days in to your relationship.You need to be very careful hear that you do not drive him away. You are young and you have never had the experience of marriage, it must be hard for him that the love of his life left him for another woman but he is recovering well and he is splitting his time great. You need to accept that for now 3 to 4 days a week really is plenty to see him and if you push for more you are going to push him away. The days you dont see him are the days you should be out doing things that you want to do and meeting up with friends and enjoying your life outside of the relationship. Goodluck.
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A
female
reader, DearSally  +, writes (3 April 2011):
 Well if your new man is recently divorced can you blame the man for wanting some time to be a man and be around his mates. Maybe he just wants to take things slow with your new relationship. 3-4 times a week he gives you his full attention which obviously hints that he loves you. If his relationship failed due to his wife cheating on him maybe he has some intimacy issues which maybe his just not that ready to embrace. Give him time and let him come to you. Once his ready then he will be done with his friends and want to get serious and spend ever second with you.
Dear Sally
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