A
female
age
51-59,
*smit
writes:Hi,I had a relationship of 11 years. During 10 years we were very happy. Two years ago we bought a house. Then I wanted to marry. My boyfriend would not. And we couldn't talk about it so one year ago I left my him. We worked about a year on our relationship. A few months ago I went back to him. But I had the feeling that I couldn't invest in my relationship because a few months before I kissed another man (big mistake!). This man was a stalker and he didn't leave me alone. I didn't want to tell my boyfriend about it because I was afraid that he would leave me.Although I couldn't invest in my relationship because of the stalker (I was very anxious). About a month ago the stalker spoke to my boyfriend! He told him a lot of lies about us.My boyfriend believed it and I had to leave. I tried everything to make him clear that I still love him very much, that I want to continue our relationship,...but he doesn't want me anymore and he want's sell the house. I know that I've made a lot of mistakes. I really hate myself about it! But I still love him! I can't imagine a life without him. What can I do? Reply to this Question
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male
reader, Tommy7  +, writes (27 September 2007):
I don't think he really wants you back. Besides, you've wasted way too much time on him already. Time for you to move on. See the cops about the stalker.
A
male
reader, rcn +, writes (27 September 2007):
 First let's talk about these different behaviors. Kissing the guy, we don't call a mistake but maybe a bad choice. Second bad choice is not telling him what happened. The guild builds and telling someone when it happens, if he leaves, that's OK, It's OK because that's one option he's given by the actions you took. But not telling hims is taking one bad choice and putting another on top, so if he would normally stay, your chances of that happening decrease with the length of time.
Here's the deal. You lied to him by not telling him. Trying to get him to believe you after doing what you did, is not likely. Now on the same end, believing him over you when he doesn't know him is not likely either.
Now here's an angle I want you to think about and if a change might change your boyfriends views. We know you stalker is insane, so I'll use me in his place. And think about this rationally, as if it's not pertaining to you at all. You and I get together and smooch a bit. I know you have a boyfriend. (was it good for you?) sorry, had to throw that in. Why and the heck would I choose to tell your boyfriend, knowing there would be a possibility of him causing me bodily harm for kissing his girl???????? I wouldn't, and neither would a majority of people, unless my motives for telling him were not quite what they seem. He had to have had alternative motives, or he wouldn't be dumb enough to risk his health to tell him.
Last have no more contact with the stalker. It's not worth being hurt over by what he's potentially capable of doing to you. And stop hating yourself, take responsibility, take action, and make yourself a better person.
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