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female
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anonymous
writes: I have been engaged for 3 months now to a wonderful man. He has 2 young children from a previous marriage and now has decided that he doesn't want any more children. I am mid 30's never been married and have no children of my own. We had discussed the issue of children before and he knew I wanted a big family and was excited about the idea of having babies. Now he says he has been thinking and he doesn't want to go through having kids again. I love him so much but I think he is being selfish and part of me thinks this may be a way of him backing out of the wedding without having to say I don't want to get married. Please help! Can it still work?
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 December 2006): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks so much for the support. We have since made the decission to not go through with the wedding. I think it will be for the best or maybe that's just me trying to be strong and positive to avoid crying my eyes out all day long. I have always believed that everything happens for a reason and maybe one day I will find out why he choose to do this.
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 December 2006): This is a very hard one. You have to sit back and ask yourself if you want to stay with this man or do you want to finish and find someone who will fulfill your dream of having kids. He is being a bit selfish in the fact that he already has kids and knows that you don't and want them. He has probably had a life rush and remembered what it was like when they were born, stress and cash. What split him and his wife up in the past. If they had flaws then having kids isn't the answer, it could of made things worse. Having kids isn't plain sailing, they can disrupt even the most stable of households.
I wish you well with your decision.
Take care
xx
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A
female
reader, Astrid  +, writes (6 December 2006):
 I think he wants to prevent economical expenses to go up for him and well darling u will have to decide wether if to go on with him or to look for a fresh new start with a man withoout his ex life complications menacing him with doing so can help
ciao
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 December 2006): Well, if he doesn't want to marry you-then he's certainly taking the cowardly way out, isn't he? Hun, no one can say what he's thinking..you need to ask him for his honesty and respect, by telling you what he really is thinking. There is no miracle transformation that we can tell you about that will help you to convince him to change his mind, dear. You are in a tough spot, hun and you have some very crucial decisions to make about your future. You had a vision to get married and have children. He no longer wants that. You are now seeing your dreams of 'babies and children' going down the tubes. I can imagine how heartsick this makes you feel. You have to decide if kids are so important to you that you will tell him...it's over and you begin the process of finding a like-minded man who wants children with you. Or you marry him and become a admirable step-parent to his two existing children. And can you-down the road..not resent and hold the fact that you will be childless..against him?? You have some big life altering choices to make. I wish you luck, the wisdom and strength to get through this. Take care my dear.
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