A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I am 30 and my ex is 33 we were together for 16 months and we were extremely happy, rarely argued and laughed a lot. I saw him about 4 times a week and I always stayed at his as I currently love at home with my parents – I have just bought a flat and move Friday.Almost a month ago he called me and told me we needed to leave things for a while and he didn’t know what he wanted. I am heart broken. This is the man who told me I was his best friend, his soul mate, he wanted a family with me and once cried and said he couldn’t believe it had taken him this long to find me and he wished he’d met me sooner. I have met all of his family and friends, have accompanied him to weddings parties and have just returned from a trip to Brazil with him. The breakup has come completely out of the blue.After the call he text to say sorry, I ignore this. I text him the next day to ask him to post my belongings back to me he said “sure no problem, it’s the least can do”He text me a few days later saying sorry, hope I was doing ok etc. and ended the text with ? x After 2 weeks I hadn’t received my stuff and received a along text explaining how he was scared and claustrophobic of being in a relationship and he hoped I could forgive him. He said he didn’t want to post my stuff as it was impersonal after all we have been through and was there somewhere he could drop it off. I left it 2 days and replied “I will meet you Tuesday to get my stuff”He replied the next morning via text “no problem let me know when and where you want to meet”He then emailed too saying he was glad I wanted to see him and it would be good to chat- did I want to go for dinner or just a drink.I said let’s play it by earWhen we met he looked tired and distressed, he sat next to me and rubbed my arm, stared into my eyes all night- he didn’t take his eyes off me. He said he felt empty inside and missed me a lot. He said he didn’t realise he would feel this strongly about me when he saw me. He kissed me at the end of the night – 3 times and it was like we had fallen in love again. He text when he got home and said how much he had missed me and it was so good to see me and talk. He didn’t bring my stuff that night so I need to get it form him still. I asked him if he knew 100% what he was doing and he said no.I text him last night and told him to bring my stuff to work and my friend will pick it up. He txt at 4am and said “Sorry. I miss you “Then another text saying “I’m a pr*ck ignore me”This man I thought was the one - I still do.He said all of his friends are getting married and having ids and I think he is scared this could be it – I could be the one. His ex pressured him a lot previously. He did say he didn’t want a relationship but then said he hadn’t been happier. He isn’t happy at the minute!I feel anxious as I don’t know if he is gone and I am trying to get on with life – I have left him alone to think about it. Any views on this please?!
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best friend, his ex, my ex, soulmate, text, wedding Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 March 2012): Thank you all for your replies it means a lot.
I believe a lot of what you are saying and agree with it all. I honestly think he fears he has met the one in me but isnt ready for that and didn't anticipate he would meet the one when he met me - bottom line.
I cant make him be ready or wait for him. He has to sort his own head out and if i have gone then too late.
He has hurt me too much already i want him out of my life so i can start again.
The fact he is risking losing me and choosing not to have me in hos life at present is so painful. I can't keep feeling like this. I am in shock that it has even happened :-(
Me x
A
female
reader, PerhapsNot  +, writes (12 March 2012):
 The bottom line is that he has doubts about you, your relationship and your future. If you search on here, you will find plenty of submittals, where the men appear to be happy in a relationship and suddenly they dump their partners, leaving them shocked and surprised.While he may have appeared happy and content with you, he clearly has had other thoughts as well. He never brought up any questions, concerns, or his doubts. He chose to keep this a secret and keep you in the dark until the last minute. I find people like that very worrisome. If you cannot count on open, honest communication, you're bound to be surprised in the future again.I don't think that any of this is fair to you. It's not fair that he has kept all his issues hidden; it's not fair that he has chosen to dump you out of the blue with no warnings; and it's not fair that he is emotionally leading you on with his uncertainty. He says he misses you, gives you half-sassed verbal assurance, but in the end, you two are still broken up. What good is it to hear I miss you, if he is not sure where you fit in his life? If he missed you as much as he claims, would you two not be back together? Do you really want to wait on this man, until his mind is made up? And imagine you get back together, don't you think his uncertainty and the fact that he broke up with you will taint your relationship on some level? I don't think anyone can be 100% confident and assured in their partner's love and commitment if their partner has doubts about it.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 March 2012): He is not healthy. No healthy man would hold hostage your belongings. He is using it to manipulate and control you.
He is an abusive personality with issues and will not get better UNLESS he seeks individual therapy ASAP.
Otherwise expect these BS games and drama. If you like the drama, the uncertain when he will be triggered and pull away and get depressive and play games with you- he loves you but doesn't want to be with you - stick around.
I say, end it. Call the Police and pick up your belongings IMMEDIATELY. Then stop all contact.
Move on.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 March 2012): i agree with blondie 3 0 becauze my boyfriend dump me a week ago and said about being mates. i showed him i was cool with that, didnt give him any pressure or get upset and he said im free to stay over if i like and i been there all week we got on great he was treating me the same and now we bak on again. all is good.
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