A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Ok, so I feel like I have a little dilemma here. My boyfriend and I have been together for about a year now. We have known who each other was for over 10 years now, but ran into each other again last year and started dating. We are both divorced, but it seems as if his past relationships have left him unable to trust. There are so many factors going on in our relationship that I feel that I need to break it down a little before I get to the actual problem. Ok, first...he obviously has emotional baggage; ie serious trust issues. Second, he has 2 kids, I have none...which isn't a problem, because I LOVE his children, but it plays a factor in the problem. Third, he is a guys guy and his friends are ALWAYS over. Ok, so, when we first got together we had a lot of time together just getting to known each other as a couple and things were great, we had an incredible bond. When it got to where I met his kids, it got even better. Things were so good. He recently moved in with me and that was working out well. His single friend lives right down the road from us and is over here every night, as soon as my guy gets off of work until bedtime. Between his friend (who I actually DO like, just not every night..ha) and his kids, we kinda let our "us" time go by the wayside. Anyway, about 2 weeks ago he said he wasn't coming home, he was staying with his friend. He said he doesn't know what's going on in his head and he needs a break. He feels like he can't trust me, doesn't think I've ever cheated or anything, just thinks I text my ex husband....which is insane, because I absolutely DO NOT. There is a reason he is my EX. Anyway, he also feels like we don't have as much of a connection as we used to, which I agree on that point, but for the reasons I mentioned above (an easy remedy in my mind) and that loss of connection makes him think of me as more of just a friend. He says he loves and cares about me a loooooot. He said no other woman has ever treated him as well as I do and he has never cared about someone like he does me and he's admitted that he's scared to death that I'm going to hurt him. I'm educated, make decent money, am stable financially and mentally, I'm a pretty decent looking girl, and he feels like he doesn't have enough to offer me and that I will find better than him. I tell him that I think it's really up to me to decide who or what is good enough for me. He really is a good guy and I love him and his kids with all of my heart. He still talks to me and occasionally stops by. He tells me that we need to "talk" but when he stops by to talk, he buckles and just ends up hugging and kissing me and things are like normal. Then he goes away again. This has been going on for about 2 weeks. He says he needs time and his space to think. He hasn't moved any of his stuff out and since he is in such close proximity (I can see the house he is staying at from my house), I don't think there is someone else. This is absolutely killing me. I don't know what to do anymore. He is stubborn as a mule and won't listen to what I think might help. Sorry this is so long, but I'm trying to give you a clear picture of what is going on. Anyway, it's making me so sick to my stomach. I can't eat or sleep. I'm absolutely sick over it. Any opinions, help or suggestions of what I should do would be GREATLY appreciated. Thanks so much!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 June 2011): Thank you so much for the kind words and advice. I'll keep you posted as I find out more. :)
A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (26 June 2011):
 It is really unfair of him to treat you like this as you are left hanging around not knowing what is going to happen or where your future is going. I believe that he may need space to sort out his head but it is unfair of him dropping by every now and then and not talking just being affectionate. You both need to have that conversation. For now I think you should contact him and tell him that you understand that he needs space therefore ask him to take whatever time he needs but not to contact you within this time as it is not fair on you. He needs to wait until he has a clear head to be able to drop over to you and explain to you how he feels. Give him a few weeks and see if he comes to you. If he does just tell him he needs to open up to you and talk because his behaviour is not fair on you and that you won't wait around forever for him to make up his mind.
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A
female
reader, sammy1986  +, writes (26 June 2011):
i would talk to him tell him how you feel about him that you are not going to cheat on him and try work through the trust issues together also try get the closeness back maybe try going for a weekend away if you can just to spend some time together
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