A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:For the past few months I've noticed my boyfriend acts like he really just doesn't care about the relationship anymore. He sometimes goes hours without replying to my calls or texts only to make excuses like he was busy doing something else. He's recently been sleeping all weird hours of the day/night. For example, I'll text him when I wake up at 9 or so in the morning and sometimes won't hear back from him til 5 or 6 in the evening. Sometimes we'll be texting or having a conversation on the phone and he'll end up falling asleep out of nowhere. When we hang out it's the same thing, I just don't feel that love and enthusiasm from him that I once did. Another thing that really upsets me is that he never makes any plans for us, or even tells me he wants to call me when we're apart. I'm always the one who has to make plans or ask him if he'd like to do something with me, or if it's been a few days since we've seen each other I'll be like 'hey I'd really like to talk on the phone for a bit and hear your voice' he rarely does the same to me. He used to though.Yesterday was quite frustrating for me. I didn't hear anything from him all morning or afternoon only to get a text back at like 5pm saying 'hey I just woke up but I have to go pick my brother's friend up and take him to work but I promise we'll spend time together later' so I texted him back and then didn't hear from him for about an hour. Then apparently he and his brother had a fight about something and he was upset and had to cool down and then went on a rant for like an hour. Meanwhile he says nothing about our plans for later. It's stuff like this that happens all the time and spending time with me is slowly swept under the rug like I'm just not important.There's been a couple of times where I've mentioned these issues with him. He tells me the same stuff every time that he doesn't realize he's doing this, of course he still loves me, he'll try to make things work and make things better, he's sorry, etc. etc. But it never really changes. He tells me one thing, but his actions speak otherwise. I really don't know what to do because at one point he was really into me and we spent a lot of time together and did a lot of stuff, now it's just like whatever to him. I feel like I'm hanging on to what he was like in the past hoping one day he will come back around, and part of me thinks he really does care but he just doesn't act like it so I don't understand. What should I do?
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female
reader, adoseofreality +, writes (1 July 2017):
 I want to start off by saying I'm sorry you're experiencing this within your relationship. Please do not be offended by anything I say or ask, my intentions are solely to help you. Also, you're receiving my opinion which are formed based on my personal experiences as they relate. This sounds like your boyfriend could be battling either a mental health disorder (depression) or a substance abuse problem..have you noticed him withdrawing from other aspects of his life as well? Or is it just more so the relationship? There is no doubt in my mind that you two have shared irreplaceable memories and formed an extremely close and strong bond. But, I know the feelings and damages/outcomes of holding onto something or someone that isn't quite what it was at one point. But, the feelings and closeness created keep you hopeful it will all return to the fairytale it once was. If this is a new phenomenon, my advice is to address your concerns with him. Don't make him feel attacked or as if this is all him (even though it just may be) Bring it up, in person, as a conversation of concern for the future happiness for the both of you. Ex: "hey whateverhisnameis I've been noticing some changes between the both of us lately and I just want to check in and see if you're doing ok? School? Work? Friends? Everything good? If yes, then you need to proceed and let him know that his actions are negatively affecting your happiness and sense of security more firmly. Let him know that you love him but you also love yourself and his lack of time and attention for you isn't making you feel too great. Let him know that you're willing and wanting to communicate openly what the cause is for this because you value him in your life and the relationship. If he doesn't respond well to this or at all, then you need to let him know what's up. You're a catch. Let him know that if an equal amount of effort isn't going into this by both parties than maybe he needs some time reevaluate, by himself, because you're not going to be stuck in something unfair and that you're just plain not happy in. Set boundaries. Don't allow yourself to be treated any less than you would want to see your sister mother or best friend treated. You'll notice that by doing this, other people's actions will start to change and they will treat you with the same respect you give yourself. Unless they're just assholes, in that case, good riddance. Feel free to take this advice, feel free to ignore it..if you're happy at the end of the day then that's all that matters. Hope everything works out! Best to you and yours xoxo
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