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He doesn't see me as his girlfriend

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Question - (2 April 2009) 6 Answers - (Newest, 2 April 2009)
A female South Africa age 30-35, anonymous writes:

Hi, i was just wondering, this guy i have been seeing, he is the best ever. He has been married although his wife left 3 years ago.... We would go away on weekends alone and so, although he does not see me as his girlfriend, he says 'you are my special best friend' what does that supposed to mean? Meeting people at bars and so he would normally say, 'this is my girlfriend, she is the best' but when i asked if i am he says nothing. I have told him i do love him a lot, and i still do say i do, all he says is thank you.. What would be the reason for this?

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (2 April 2009):

seems as though he doesn't want a serious relationship but is enjoying the friends with benefits aspect. if you want out out of this you need to slowly change the rules of this game. if you don't he will think that you are just ok with the sexual side only.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (2 April 2009):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Thank you very much! It makes a lot of sense... There has only been two people he has ever slept with, his ex wife and me, its not like we have sex every day, twice every 3 weeks, at most, he does not notice other women very easily.. He does not want to commit to a 'serious relationship' because he does not want to get hurt again.. He said time will tell, i have a very special place in his broken heart, and i'll always be his special princess.... I'll try and 'ignore' him as long as possible... Thanx.... Xxx

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A female reader, ilovebowsandcherries United Kingdom +, writes (2 April 2009):

ilovebowsandcherries agony aunthe doesn't feel the same because he just wants to fullfill his sexual needs until he does find someone he wants to be with, i'd get out there and put your love to someone who you know will deserve it because he clearly doesn't

don't waste your time and love on him he's not worth it not one bit.

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A female reader, Midge United Kingdom +, writes (2 April 2009):

Midge agony auntWell you need to make up your mind whether you want to be a sexual toy or if you want a relationship. If you want a relationship I suggest you go look elsewhere, this guy isnt going to make a commitment anytime soon. You are in effect his sex partner and nothing more! You say you love him, well the feeling is that its not a mutual feeling at this point.

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A female reader, rndi lnn United States +, writes (2 April 2009):

WARNING!!! do not tell him you love him anymore. don't tell him you don't just don't tell him you do. do not sleep with him. if you already have, make it more casual sex. if you say "i love you" and he says something like "thank you" or "me too" he either doesn't love you or he has serious commitment issues. you lose in both of those situations.... my best advice is: distance makes the heart grow stronger. i'm not saying don't talk to him anymore. just make your relationship completely friendly and nonchalant. if you keep pushing it he will take you for granted and cheat. i've seen it happen a million times. i've had my boyfriend for 2 years, but my relationship before him was quite similar to what you're going through now. trust me. if it's meant to be he'll come around. if it isn't...he won't. either way it's what's best for you so that you don't get your heart wrenched much more than it is.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (2 April 2009):

He doesn't want anything serious with you but at the same time doesn't want to give up sex. This probably won't go anywhere so I'd decide now if you really want to get further involved. Might be easier and less painful to cut your losses now and find a guy that sees commitment in the future, this one doesn't.

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