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female
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anonymous
writes: I'm very much in love with my boyfriend who I've been with for about a year now. We're taking things very slow and are still not having intercourse. The problem is that when I tell him I love him, he doesn't usually say it back. He explained to me that he thinks saying it all the time is "gay" --his words, not mine. I want to say it all the time, but I try to hold back because it kills me when he doesn't say it back. I always got the feeling that he was a very defensive person who felt like if he got too sensitive, he would be less of a man. I know that if he really didn't love me, he wouldn't be spending his time with me. He doesn't waste his time with something he's not interested in. He also rarely calls me. I usually talk to him 3 times a week, which I don't feel is often enough. I understand that he doesn't like long conversations on the phone, but a simple hello would make me feel a lot better. I've told him how I feel, but I keep getting the same reply over and over again. What can I say to him to make him understand how I'm feeling. He keeps so quiet about his feelings that he's really hard to read sometimes. He never lets his guard down. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, shania  +, writes (16 October 2006):
 Sorry to be blunt but if i was dating him,i would of died of boredom by now.It sounds to me like he is emotionally constipated,and has a fear of intimacy.You dont say how old he is but if he is a teenager then perhaps he gets nervous and uncomfortable with certain things like that,but if we are talking about a grown man here and your relationship hasn't progressed to full sex after a whole year then i can see you getting fed up and moving on.The fact that you have to do all the chasing means that your fella is either too lazy or too selfish for him to take the lead.A man who loves his woman would want to please her,show her affection and aim to please her, but im afraid he doesn't give you that.Instead he tells you that saying.."I love you" is gay! I think if you were to leave him as a wake up call,i reakon he would be too self centred to get you back,it wouldn't be very manly of him,would it?
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 October 2006): Sounds like your boyfriend may be the type who will not say he loves you until he is ready to move the relationship forward into marriage, respect him for that, he probably takes the word very seriously...the fact that he is not saying it means he may not be that committed to you yet....if you want him to feel more passion for you, I would try not telling him how you feel all the time by saying I love you, and I would stop asking him how he feels about you, that just pressures him...instead if you want more contact from him and he isn't giving it to you, be less available, get busy go out with friends and if he has not promised exclusivity with you, date other guys, don't sleep around, but why can't you have other male friends, a little jealousy is good for the soul and for your relationship, he may be taking you for granted since you are always faithfully there and he doesn't even have to call you regularly! Good Luck, and don't give up hope.
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