A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My live in boyfriend of a few years and I have been fighting a lot lately.It's over stuff that, as his girlfriend, I don't want to know about. Nothing bad, just typical boy stuff. Seperately we could deal with it, but it's been a few things in a few months causing a lot of pressure on both of us. We have said a lot of stuff in the heat of the moment and had a few break up / make ups.He recently said he's not sure if he loves me, and that he doesn't know what love is. For the past few years he's been telling me he loves me, without a hint he didn't know what it is. He's even said he's never loved anyone like he's loved me. He's been doing a lot of soul searching lately, so maybe that's where he thought about what love is?I ended up telling him what I thought love was, and pointed out a few examples of the things he's done for me that I think show that he loves me.He has since been telling me he loves me, but I just can't shake the 'I'm not sure I know what love is' comments, as even after the argument he said it. Can he really say that after telling me for the last few years he does? Was it just a bad feeling still simmering from the recent arguments? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (19 May 2010):
 He's insecure and immature. My ex's gave me that same line after a year together. One I was living with at the time, and we broke up over his "Im not sure if I love you" comment. The other was the one who suggested we moved in together, but before we even got to look at apartments he gave me the "I dont think I ever loved you" line, same as your boyfriend gave you. Now I consider myself quite patient and understanding and giving in a relationship, but I dont tolerate such nonsense. Break it off with this man. He doesn't know himself enough to know what he feels for others. He will undoubtly continue to change his mind about his love for you. After years together he SHOULD KNOW what he feels, but he does not. That gives you all the answers you need.
In case you still doubt if you should leave or not, give him a chance to proove himself. I say a man deserves one chance. But only ONE. If he continues with this insecurity, do not give him more and more chances. Giving him chance after chance only tells him it's ok for him to screw with your head and play with your emotions. Telling someone whom for several years you've told you love, that you don't really love them after all, is simply cruel. And if he doesn't realize that he must be very self centered.
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