A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I can't cope. I'm married and care a lot about my husband but I find myself having strong feelings of love for another guy. The guy doesn't know I'm married and has no idea how I love him. He's the kinda guy that I wish my husband was. I've been unhappy with my husband for years but stayed around for our 4 children. I've never cheated on my husband but the guy I'm talking about is getting closer to me. He's started telling me he loves me and wants me to spend Christmas Day at his Mom's. I feel like I'm going into a dark place because of this half the time I don't want to get up in the morning. I continue to make excuses to turn away his offers for us to get together for a movie, dinner or what have you. I know I should tell him the truth and stop seeing and talking to him. I'm married he's single but I want him and not my husband which is why I chicken out everytime I try to tell him the real deal. I don't know what I'd do if I had to say goodbye to him. He's my knight in shining armor. Jealousy consumes me with the thought of some single woman taking him from me? I'm at a loss and feeling real depressed tonight. I had to turn him down for dinner. I want to know if anyone is or has been in my shoes and how are you coping and dealing with it? What should I do? Thanks all.
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 December 2010): I'm in the same situation as you but the "other woman" knows I'm married and I have been separated from my wife for 2 months now. She has more passion, intimacy, vision, goals and drive than my wife. Yr after yr I kept telling my wife that intimacy was important to me and is a core issue in every relationship, but my pleas went ignored until I finally did something about it. Reguardless of how I try to reason with my happiness, I've still been torn with myself for 2 months because I don't want to lose this person either and I'm scared to let go of my wife as well, but I know I will have to make peace with it all soon. I wish you all the best of luck because it’s terrifying to be in love with two people and you have to make a choice. I hope to one day be at peace because I don't know how much more I can take emotionally, I'm only 31 and lucky not to have kids because it would make things harder. All I can say is make sure you know the person before you marry them because eventually two different personalities will clash and when you add yrs of frustration then you get the mess that I'm in. Please wish me luck as I navigate through treacherous waters of emotions, fear, and anxiety. I wish you all the best as well, I believe everything happens for a reason either to make your marriage stronger or its the universe's way of correcting your life. I think you should definitly go see a counselor it helping me to see who I am and what I really want out of life.
A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (19 December 2010):
 I deleted my very long response, but please, whatever you do, do not end your marriage so that you can be with somebody else. Your children will resent you and your husband will see himself as supplanted, even if it means not seeing your new guy for a few months while you sort your life out, do not dump your husband for the new guy.
End your marriage because it is not working for YOU.
Sort it out, get the kids settled, try being on your own for a minimum 6 months and then you can get on with your life, whether that means a new job or new hobbies, or a new man.
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