A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I really need some help with this. My dad was my whole world but when i was nine he started drinking and became an alcoholic. He started hitting me and one night he raped me. I still thought the world of him as i learnt to separate the dad who drank and my dad. I moved out and went into care. But since the begining of last year we got really close and i felt like i had my old dad back, even though he was still drinking. I would tell him everything and he was always there for me. But then in february this year he died. I was at the hospital with him, he had a heart attack in my arms and stopped breathing 3 times.The hospital asked me if his heart stopped and i said no because i didnt want him to suffer, i hated seeing him in so much pain. Then i told them to stop making him breath when he stopped, this was so hard, i didnt want him to die. He died when I went to make a phone call and I feel so bad because I wasn't there. I've tried talking to people but everyone says it will take time. I have flash backs. anyone know where I can get help. Ive tried my doctor.
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 December 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI just want to thank you all for all your advise.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 December 2008): Please take comfort in Knowing your dad "knew" you loved him. To not be there for his last breath won't ever Change that.
You've could've been a bitter, resentful child and wanted nothing to do with him. But you forgave and continued to love him, and that is the best you could ever do for him. I'm Sure he is forever grateful that you were his daughter. take care.
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A
female
reader, sarcy24 +, writes (5 December 2008):
 Honey, I am very sorry for you and my thoughts are with you. My father died from cancer and it was truly terrible at the end with the breathing coming in long gaps and then starting again. I went to the car park at the hospital as my ticket was running out and he died when I left the room. Apparently this happens a lot as two friends lost their fathers when one went to the loo and the other to the coffee machine and a nurse told me a lot of people die when their loved one is out of the room. Your father loved you very much and knew you loved him and you were there for him. He wouldn't have known what was happening at the very end as he would have been sleepy, probably full of drugs and drifting in and out of consciousness so you didn't miss anything at all. I have seen quite a few people die and the actual moment of passing is over in a micro second. You were very brave and absolutely made the right decision about his breathing. I made the same decision and you will realise that the older you become and the more of life you experience how right you were. As your friends say, this will get better in time but you could go to the doctor who may be able to give you something to help you with your grief and answer any worries you may have. You are very young and this is very traumatic and sad with it being at Christmas but this will give you a lot of inner strength and give you the ability to help others who may be experiencing something similar. My thoughts are with you. xx
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 December 2008): hi.............you must be feeling very confused, upset and even guilty at this time. It sounds as though you have had a complicated relationship at times with your dad but to you, no matter what, he was still your dad and you miss him. Most people feel guilty when a person close to them dies, its just human nature to think that you could have made a difference - but in reality you couldnt, alcohol had made him an ill man. Although you were not there when he died, you were with him in the moments before and you had managed to have a good relationship with him in the months before he died. Think about those thoughts - that you managed to have a good relationship with your dad again, im sure that made you both happy. Sometimes you need to talk to people to let go of your guilt and other thoughts... try a counsellor - they are free at a place called Relate - and try and give yourself a break....your obviously a caring person who hasnt had the best of times - good luck
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