A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:dear cupid,i have been with my boyfriend for 4years now. i recently found out that he has a 6year old child who he didnot tell me about from the start. i actually asked him on our first date 4years ago if he had a child and he said no. he only confessed to having one the other day.am confused, am torn between ending the relationship because i feel its based on lies and staying because i love him. please advise Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, kenny  +, writes (16 December 2010):
 That is quite a long duration to keep from you the fact that he had a child. Its not like you found out after 6 or 7 months, which is not ideal, but 4 years is an awful long time to keep something like this.
I would be somewhat curious as to whether he has been seeing this child during this time, like at weekends and stuff. I just can't work out why he would go for nearly half a decade before coming clean and confessing he has a child. I have got a 7 year old boy, and i see him every other weekend from Friday to Sunday. When i meet girls i always mention that i have got a child straight away and am upfront about it. Maybe your boyfriend was afraid of what you might have thought about him, or by you knowing it would have jeopodised the relationship and was afraid of losing you. If you love him, and in your heart you still feel like this could work, then you both need to sit down and a personal one to one.
Good luck x
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 December 2010): You need to ask him his reason for not telling you. Could be he thought at the time it would put you off and then didn't know how to broach the subject. Give him a chance to explain.
...............................
A
female
reader, tennisstar88  +, writes (16 December 2010):
 Oh that's bad he lied about the child, but then again some people can't get involved with others who have children from previous relationships/marriages. I don't blame them because there's potentially that baby mama/daddy drama. So in a sense I can see why he lied.
It depends is him having baggage a deal breaker for you? Or are you more upset about the fact he lied about it, causing trust issues in this relationship?
Personally, I would ask if there is anything else he would like to come clean about, now is his chance to confess. Then, forgive him and let him gain back the trust.
...............................
A
female
reader, petina1 +, writes (16 December 2010):
 Does he still see the child and has he been seeing the child all along. If he's not been in contact with the child he may not have wanted to tell you about this and wishing that chapter out of his life. You need to know under what circumstances he felt that he couldnt tell you. It could be a good thing in a way. He may not have wanted to spoil the relationship in the early days by telling you. Or it could be a bad thing, he could still have emotional ties with the childs mother or for some reason now he may be feeling like he wants to be more open and honest with you by confessing now. Whatever the reason you need to know, but you love him and to stay you will have to talk about it.
...............................
|
