A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I think I've messed things up with my boyfriend and need some advice. We've been dating for 6 months, haven't been intimate yet - just kissing, etc. He's a fairly shy guy but only at first. Last week I came to visit him in his dorm. When I got there he was masturbating to Internet porn. I thought this was the funniest thing ever and decided to sneak up and give him a start. I waited a moment or so and then walked up and said somthing like 'Do you need more lube, baby?' Now I thought he'd see the funny side, but he didn't. Instead, he came, went bright red and literally started screaming at me to get out. Since then he hasn't responded to any of my texts and I'm having difficulty getting to see him. I've asked him what his problem is, telling him that it was just a joke, but he's barely speaking to me whenever I see him. I tried coaxing him out of his embarrassment, joking that maybe I should tell my gfs what happened just to get him to talk, but he just went bright red and stormed off. Now I really regret invading his privacy and want to make things right. He's a virgin, just so you know. Any advice?
View related questions:
kissing, porn, shy, text Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, NightLad  +, writes (17 April 2009):
 Hi there,I think the problem is that you are expecting him to see the situation from your point of view, and you are attempting to confront it on those terms alone: your terms.Stop that! You must see this from his point of view and then approach it on his terms; only then will you be able to make peace. He is clearly embarrassed; clearly offended; clearly angry; clearly frustrated; and after your bungled attempts to make light of the situation despite all of this, he is most likely feeling that you do not respect his feelings much less care about them.The only way to dig yourself out of this one is to empathise with how he feels, and then apologize sincerely. Brushing it off like no big deal and making a joke about it is the worst thing you can do, because it is clearly not how he sees it.This does not necessarily mean he does not share your general sense of humour, but this was obviously a step way over the line with him. That can be something you both discuss at a later date, but for now, just admit that what you did was wrong (no matter your intentions, at the very least you did violate his privacy) and say you are sorry.Maybe in time he will open up and tell you why it bothered him so much, but it will have to be in his own time and on his own terms.I hope this helps.
A
female
reader, Miss Karma Louise  +, writes (15 April 2009):
I dont really see the funny side either to be honest.
i wouldnt be to pleased if somebody caught me masturbating.. would you?
Especially if he's still a virgin,he's obviously very shy and embarresed.
id apoligize straight away.
Good Luck
x
...............................
A
male
reader, ArmyMedic +, writes (14 April 2009):
 You have invaded his "Personal time" no guy ever wants to get caught doing that, I'm blushing at the thought of it!
He is going to be VERY embarrassed for a long time, in fact, I'm not sure if he'll ever make eye contact with you again!
From an outsiders point of view your comment was hilarious! But what you should have done was to sneak out again and call him. But Hindsight is a wonderful thing.
Give him time to chill out, then send him a letter/email/sms whatever telling him it's fine and natural all the usual stuff and that you still like him etc...
...............................
A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (14 April 2009):
Wow, you were pretty insensitive (why didn't you knock?!!)... and then telling him you were going to tell people about it will have been THE worst thing you could do to the poor boy.
Give him some time to calm down. You've humiliated him and threatened to go public so you're going to have to let him come to you.
But you be honest I think you may have messed this up. Keep this whole thing to your self and when he's calmed down, tell him how sorry you are and how you will just forget it happened, never mention it again, and never EVER tell a living soul about it.
Do not try and "joke" about it. Say sorry and MEAN IT!
Good Luck!! xx
...............................
|
