A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Dear CupidI'm dating someone for past 3 weeks, we connected really well at the start, it's like we are destined to meet and everything. But the problem is he criticizes me all the time, but never compliments when I ask about it, says he doesn't compliment even at work, unless people deserve he doesn't compliment, may be its right at work (he hold a high position at work) but at personal life I'm not sure why I didn't deserve a compliment from him and also says he takes time and should accept him as it is. Even if I agreed on compliment on some level why does he criticizes me all the time, I'm even scared to call him these days or even open my mouth, I can't apologize for being me, though I have some negative qualities which he mentioned, that's what makes me the whole package. And yes I would like to work on those negative things but it takes time, I can't change anything new overnight.Pls help me, is he worth pursuing, I don't want to waste another 5 years of my life with a someone who is not worth my time or my energy. Pls do help me understand
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 January 2016): He's using criticizing as a weapon of control. I don't care what he says or believes.
You are still free, but make no mistake you're very close to a trap. Before you know it you'll be obsessed with pleasing him and meeting his standards. And you'll never be able to do it, because there will be always something else. That's how he'll control you and make you think that flawed as you are nobody else would want you and how you should thank your lucky stars that for some reason he puts up with you.
Just drop him nicely and move on.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 January 2016): He is treating you like an emotional slave. Keeping you in 'must try harder' mode. It is already crushing your self esteem. Why stay and find out what you have to do to please or impress him. You are absolutely enough just as you are. Don't spend any more time working him out. See the facts. Walk away.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 January 2016): Dump him if you value your life. You shouldn't be feeling this way.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 January 2016): Your gut-feeling and instincts about this guy drove to you to write a post. You already know the answer, you just need to confirm if you're over-thinking the issue; or if it's too soon to act. No!!! Financial-security isn't worth selling-out your self-esteem, girlfriend!
This is what is called a "deal-breaker" or "red-flag." A man who can't compliment will never show his love or affection. He would treat his children the same. He will do whatever it takes to get you in bed, but will it continue from that point? Most likely not.
Why wouldn't he compliment you if he really likes you? Then insult your intelligence by giving some bullsh*t excuse for being so rude.
Will people ever learn not to date where they work?!!!
Hand him a mirror! Let him criticize the jerk looking back!
So haughty and superior! Egotistical buffoon!
Sincere compliments come out of adoration and affection for people you care for. You offer them from the heart.
He presumes to criticize you, then offers some cockamamie excuse for why he's a certified asshat.
Kick him to the curb. You deserve compliments. Every decent individual does! It's good for the self-esteem, and makes you feel good. How would insults and constant criticism be better? Take a few shots back!
He can shove his high position up his conceited poop-shoot!
Don't be impressed, he's degrading you as a person. Never stand for that.
How do you feel at the end of a date? That should answer your question.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (12 January 2016):
 I would understand that some people don't like compliments because they grew up with parents who did it too much and they felt like manipulation. Here, at three months of dating you should be enjoying yourself. There shouldn't even be flaws that are visible, since everything is uniqueness and we have our quirks. If he's someone who's hard on himself and strives on self improvement, at least he should have enough social etiquette that this is not what you do if you want to impress someone. He's probably a very miserable person looking for companionship to be equally miserable. You have just the same right to not accept him as he is.
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A
female
reader, TaylorLeeann21 +, writes (12 January 2016):
I don't think this guy is worth pursuing, whatsoever. Everyone comes with flaws, and if he feels the need to point them out rather than to compliment you, he obviously chooses to see the "bad" more so than the good. You shouldn't be afraid to speak your mind, especially to someone who is supposed to care about you. Yes, you could work on yourself and any negative aspect you don't like about yourself, but that change should be for you and you only, not to please this guy. To me, he sounds selfish and self-centered. Any true gentlemen would go above and beyond to make his lady feel special, even if he compliments your laugh or smile. Little compliments do no harm, and I find it ridiculous that he can't even do a simple thing such as compliment you. Although I don't know you, I think you deserve to be treated with much more dignity and respect than what this guy is giving you. It sounds like he cares more about himself than you. Ultimately, it sounds like this guy IS who he is.. Which seems to be an arrogant jerk. I mean no offense to you, I'm sure you really care about this guy and the last thing you want to hear is that he doesn't care, but it really sounds like he doesn't care. If I were you I would continue to stay available until you can find a guy who compliments the things he criticizes.. Who treats you like an equal, not a lesser person. I wish you the best & I truly hope things work out for you!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 January 2016): Please don't apologise for been you, this is a painful way to live and can only damage you in the long run, quite seriously as well. How many times a day will you have to bend to his idea of'his'perfection? How many times will you stand in front of him hoping for a compliment of some kind? How often will you try to please him? When will you open your mouth without fear? I would not stick around unless he accepts you for you and loves you and all that you come with.
We all have some negative traits, him included. Either grow together or wilt at his knees. Your choice.
Good luck.
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A
female
reader, Tiggzy  +, writes (12 January 2016):
 sorry if this reply feels incorrect, I hope none of this makes you feel upset, yes of course some of it may hurt but I'd rather tell you how I see it then lie to you...Love to me is like having a best friend, you share time,laughter, and yes there is bad times but you always counter-act that, there's a balance, if you're feeling uncertain or feeling like you can't talk then, that's unhealthy, there's somebody for everybody and if it's feeling more negative then positive and it's making you feel incredibly low then I think you need to rethink your plan of action for this relationship, you should feel happy and be able to talk things out with the one you adore, not just put to the back of the shelf and only there for when he wants you, you're not a possession.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (12 January 2016):
 I'd walk now.
He isn't ANY more "perfect" than you are, and if he is ONLY (after barely 3 weeks) are more busy pointing out your flaws and faults - how do you think it will be 3 months or 3 years down the line?
He isn't looking for the silver lining, the GOOD in you, but for things YOU "need" to change in order to make him happy.... THAT is not how it works.
If you have issues that YOU yourself aren't happy about - WORK on those BEFORE getting into a new relationship, not for the guy's sake, but for your own.
EVERY ADULT has some negative qualities. But why focus only on those?
To me it seems like he is tearing you down so that you will end up being "oh so grateful" that he has "lowered" himself to dating you.
No, walk away, find a guy who can and will love you for who you are, warts and all.
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A
male
reader, Denizen +, writes (12 January 2016):
 He has to accept the whole package which is you or not at all. You are you and that's what makes you special. Find someone who loves the whole you. You deserve nothing less. Let this bozo find someone else to criticise. Who made him Mr Perfect?
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