A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi well am just going to get to the point me and my boyfriend decide we wanted to have sex we planned it (its was his first time not mine) everything was going fine he was up and ready to go but he couldn't keep it up and walked away , i tried telling him that it happens to every one and not to worry about as i think it cause it had built up for a week and he was nervous it but nothing am saying is helping him he cutting him self up about it i just wanna make everything is right but can't find the right words he pulling away from me now please can any one help what can i say to him to make everything right Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, sleepyhollow  +, writes (7 May 2007):
Don't give him a choice. This is one of those traumatic moments in a young man's life... The first time that absolutely flails.
Don't mother him... but you might have to prod him into bucking up and being more of a man, although you might want to be more sensitive in how you phrase it.
And if he fails to come around, you may just be better off without him. He may just have lots of other issues which affected his performance, which he feels unable to confide in anybody about. You can try, but unless he opens up, there's no way you can love him enough to make him come around to common sense or even just having the strength to overcome his issues.
You can only do what you can and make yourself available to him as a friend and an open listener. And if he can't confide in you and work with you, then perhaps he just needs time to be by himself. Not your fault, probably not really his fault either. Just the way it happens to be. C'est la vie.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 May 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionbut the thing is now he says he doesn't know if he can face me again after it, I love him some much it hurts seeing him like this am all over the place so he must be worse
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 May 2007): i agree when he could not keep it up his so called man-o-meter shot down several pegs.
right know he is insecure about himself just let him know that you love him, and don't bring up what happend then because it will just make him more insecure about himself, and his part in the relationship.
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A
male
reader, sleepyhollow +, writes (7 May 2007):
Try this.
Get him involved in foreplay. Teach him to bring you to orgasm without actual intercourse. Let him rebuild his confidence in his ability to please you, and the intercourse will come naturally after that.
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A
female
reader, misrable  +, writes (6 May 2007):
 nothing you can say will make it better, you continue to show him love and dont say anything about it, the more you bring it up the worse he'll feel.
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