A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My long distance relationship ended today and by ended I mean I tried to end it but we're still arguing!Me and my boyfriend have been together for 2 years, 10 months of this has been long distance. We met at University, but after we graduated, decided to take a year apart to figure out our next paths and then relocate back together by the following year.He was training to be a teacher this upcoming September, meaning he had more freedom in his choices of where to go, so we decided that September we would start living together when he was back to studying. I asked him today, has ive just started a new job if he would consider looking to do his course near me, so I could have more time in my job. I was previously applying for work more local to his suited location to make it easier, but nothing came from it. He said no, and admitted after 10 months of working towards a goal of living together. He wouldnt be ready to move in with me. and wanted me to wait another year because "he was too young for this commitment"I'm 23 and he is 22, I understand we are both young. But I am crushed by his sudden honesty after so many months of pretending to be happy with this goal.I ended it with him because I was so hurt. But he now wants me to move to his desired location and leave my current job to continue our plans because he realised he was 'wrong'. But I now don't trust him after his change of heart earlier.I feel like I cannot be in a long distance for a another year, but cannot trust him and move only for him to bail on our plans again. What do I do?
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 March 2016): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for all the replies.
We've stopped arguing now, but I left him with the choice to either move up here or let me move on with my life.
I'm not uprooting for a boy who can't make up his mind, you're all right in saying I shouldn't give up anything for him.
A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (21 March 2016):
 I agree with Auntie BimBim,
I wouldn't give up my job and move to a guy's locations - specially a guy who doesn't know what he wants.
What if you move there and CAN'T find work? What then? Are you supposed to live on water and air?
He is expecting you to do all the compromising, and not him. That to me "screams" not ready for a serious relationship. Having a mainly LDR is EASY compared to living together.
And if you were already SET up, with a place to live and a job, it would have made the steps much easier in moving in together. Specially if the quality of the courses he can take near you are as good as where ever he is.
I DO think he is not ready, he he might NOT be ready for quite a while.
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (21 March 2016):
 I just want to add, arguing solves nothing, if there is no willingness on his part to discuss options or compromise leave it at that. Tell him you are not prepared to argue (because it solves nothing) and then block his number, block him on social networking sites and don't respond to emails or texts.
Your relocating to an area where you have sought employment without success does not make sense, if he is too set on having his own way and you give in to him over this you will be setting up a pattern for the future ... one where your needs wants and opinions will mean nothing.
Don't go there!
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim +, writes (21 March 2016):
Tell him to go blow it out his bum!
However, if you would prefer to keep the door open for this relationship let him know that based on his admission he is not ready to commit, you are not prepared to give up a good job and move to an uncertain future, uncertain because there is no guarantee you will find work that suits you as your current job does, and uncertain because he could quite possible flake on you and decide he isn't ready after all.
Suggest again that he consider moving closer to where you are located, if he isn't prepared to give it serious thought then thank your lucky stars you found out before you progressed further with you plans and not after.
You are right not to trust him, so go with your gut feelings. Stay put, don't move!
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