A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:HE HAS A GIRLFRIEND/LIVE IN PARTNER!I met someone about 5 months ago now, I am 28 and he is 40. We have been working together for a while and we really get along, always laughing and on the same wave length. The problem is he is very flirty towards me, always touching me on the arm or sitting next to me, compliments you name it! We recently began chatting more and he always asks so many questions about me, what i did on the weekend, if I had a date etc....I then was at his house when we were working and I met his live in partner and she seems lovely. Up until this point it was just work, but recently he has confessed to me that he thinks about me alot and is very attracted to me, and some of his comments were quite upfront (if you understand what I mean). The thing is I am soo attracted to him, Its unbelievable when he is near me I feel my stomach in knotts and I think about him all the time. I have never felt this kinda of physical attraction with anyone before. When he told me he liked me, I was flattered but I have been upfront with him. I said I am very attracted to you, but we cant act on it, becasue you have a girlfriend, I dont work like that and you wouldnt respect me or anyone if they did. So its great that we get on and r honest with each other, but we will have to keep ourselves in control.Basically I haev not intention of stealing someones significant other, but its so hard when I feel like this, and what can I do about working together because I am worried that he will come on to me and I wont be able to resist, then I would feel crap about myself. I d never want to hurt anyone and infact I feel abit sorry for his gf because she has no idea he has confessed to another girl how much he like them etc...
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 December 2008): Start to see him for the person he is rather than the person you think he is. Sounds like you are in that early stage of a relationship where the other person is "the one"/ideal/can do no wrong, and where things that would normally hack you off are too easily brushed aside as simple mistakes/misunderstandings.The aunts and uncles have offered good advice and perhaps if you try, you will see this man as we do - someone in a supposedly committed relationship is betraying his partner's trust and boundaries by acting on attraction and appearing to be ready and willing to be unfaithful - something we all see as unattractive features of his personality and a huge red warning flag for anyone wanting to get involved with him. If his current relationship was so awful (which it doesn't sound like it is), he would be leaving/have left his partner regardless of whether there was someone new on the scene. Allow yourself to be irritated and annoyed by even the smallest things he does wrong - proactively look for these - we are all human with flaws so they will appear sooner than you think once you take the rose tinted specs off.Your 'relationship' with this man has no future and can go nowhere. The energy you waste on fantasy and intimacy with him will be fruitless. Redirect this energy to the abundance of available men out there. The bottom line is that this relationship is just a world of hurt waiting to happen. By hurting other people (mainly his partner but also their family and friends) you will hurt yourself. You already know that, we already know that, so why choose that in the first place?Very best of luck seeing this how we do and I wish you all the luck in finding a hot, funny, caring, SINGLE man very soon!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 December 2008): Dear Poster
When he is so friendly and charming think about it that he is a "cheater"; then you might discover that you are less attracted to him and his charm. Try to be polite but not too friendly. Avoid situations that can create opportunities for private discussions; have an excuse, such, oops I have to phone ABC or Sorry I am running late; don't give him the opportunity to pursue you any further.
You are in control of your life and don't let him take your power away from you.
Best wishes and lots of smiles.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 December 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI think so, but how can i stop my attraction to him or get him to chill with the flirting without ruining our working relationship?
any tips?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 December 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionyeah, I have that gut feeling too about it, so I think I have done the right thing, I even told him that talking about it makes me feel like I am doing something wrong, because really if he is unhappy with his present partner he should end it, obviously thats not for me to say because I dont want to break up anyones relationship. He seems like a very charming man, and I am sure he has done this before, so thats is why i am treading carefully. I mean they way he confessed he liked me was so full on, it made me laugh.
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