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female
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*weetannice2002
writes: My boyfriend John, and I live together. We have been having problems because of finances, and other things. He tried to be with me wherever I am. I feel smothered. We talked about this and he has been giving me my space. When we have problems he turns to my sisters. I feel that that is where I should be going. Today my sisters invited us to go to the beach. I had alot to do, and declined. I guess, John decided to go anyways, other than to help me with things we needed to do around the house. He called, and I told him I was making dinner. Instead of coming home and eating as a family he decided to invite my sisters to the apt complex, and not even invite me and my child. He doesn't understand why I am so upset. He complains about not spending time with me, yet he excluded me and my little girl. I was so angry that he tries to brush off my feelings, that I took his share of dinner and threw it in the trash. I was so mad that I said my daughter and I would spend the night at my dads. He pretty much told me not to come back. When I started packing our things, he asked if I was really leaving. I love him, but I can't stand him at times. I don't want to go, but I don't like how I feel about us lately... Reply to this Question
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female
reader, snowbird  +, writes (17 July 2006):
 Do your sisters know how you are feeling?? If so, why are they not supporting you - have you asked them? Maybe it's time for you to put them straight about the situation and if they want to go anywhere they should discuss it with you first, and maybe John could help out with things you had to do so that you could ALL have gone to the beach - a nicer memory for your daughter than staying at home watching her mommy furiously doing housework!! (Life is TOO SHORT)!!!
Maybe I am barking up the wrong tree and they do not realise the situation, but if my sisters behaved like this when they knew full well what was happening I would be very concerned, especially if they know you are at crisis point!!!
On the other hand it could be a communication problem, maybe he thought that you would appreciate a bit of time on your own? But it does not excuse him from the 'dinner situation.' Sounds as if you could do with sitting down and discussing the problems and see if you can go about addressing them, Perhaps establish a few 'ground rules'i.e., don't accept an invitation without checking it out with the other partner; if a meal is being prepared for you, have the good grace to come home and eat it..!! How about you both agree on, say, 5 rules each (to be discussed - and if not agreed, then at least have a good reason why not!!)
If it seems that after that you are getting nowhere, then a night at your dads' house could be a learning curve for him to make him think about his behaviour! And TALK to your sisters!! Hope this helps, you are more than welcome to post me a private e-mail if you want to talk..
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