A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend stays over at my house over the weekend. I recently found out that he thinks i am being ungrateful because he pays for dinner and i dont offer any money to put to it. This is because he tells me it is on him or he'll buy dinner. Money is tight and i will tell him i can not afford it, he will offer. Even though he uses my water, eats any food i have, keeps his stuff here and often my house will be left a mess once he leaves and him spending $20 bucks on dinner for the both of us is me being ungrateful. This doesn't happen every week, maybe every 3. The other weeks I cook dinner for the two of us. Am i being ungrateful or is he?
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female
reader, shrodingerscat  +, writes (10 April 2012):
 Stop cooking for him. Or when you do, make sure he knows since he keeps track of who's paying for what, that this is coming out of the "Gratefulness Payment" he keeps track of.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 April 2012): sorry for taht but he is using you..talk to him serious..if not he can find another "laid" free somewhere...
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A
female
reader, oldbag +, writes (9 April 2012):
 Who told you he said this and do you know for certain he did say it? If he did then its him you need to speak to and tell him how you feel in no uncertain terms. If he is bad mouthing you like this behind your back then is he really a man you want a relationship with?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 April 2012): Its not a fair mindset and if that was someone I was dating, I would turf him for that way of thinking. You can't reason with an unreasonable, arrogant twit.
The other thing- as soon as you are keeping score in a relationship and harbouring resentments to the point its I Win He Loses or He Wins I Lose- the relationship is pretty much ended.
So again...
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (9 April 2012):
 How did you find out he thinks you are ungrateful, did he tell you, or did somebody else?
If he told you then you need to let him know he has a choice, he can continue to visit you at your house every weekend, and you will pay for the water, electricity, and other utilities. You will clean up the mess he leaves and launder the towels and sheets he uses. Every third weekend he can take you out and pay for your dinner,
or
every weekend you can visit his house and use all his utilities, help yourself to anything in the fridge, make a mess, and leave a pile of dirty towels and sheets for him to clean up and every third week you will take him out and spend 20 on a meal for him.
If you heard it from a third party you need to ask your boyfriend why the other person felt the need to tell you this.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (9 April 2012):
 so he comes and uses your electricity and gas and water and space every weekend and 2/3 of the time you pay for the food you spend the time to cook and clean up right?
and then 1/3 of the time he wants you to help pay for the meal too?
he's wrong.
question for you... what happens if you guys move in together and get serious... does the money say as yours and mine or does it become OURS?
I ask because this is a critical thing in any relationship... how you both approach money handling.
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A
female
reader, AuntyAlexxmo +, writes (9 April 2012):
 You are not being ungrateful!
You cant offer to pay for something then complain about it later, he is being unfair.
You need to explain to him you do things for him to and money if tight so if he does not want to pay for dinner then stop offering then complaining later
He is in the wrong.
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