A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I recently had an argument with my boyfriend for not showing up when he was supposed to - he chose to get drunk with his friends instead of spending time with me. He apologised the next day, but only spent a couple of hours with me and went out with his friends that night - i was not happy to say the least. i was hurt, angry and confused by his behaviour, and didn't hide the way i was feeling. Now he says he is not sure about the relationship as i expect too much and he doesn't want to make promises that he can't deliver on. I am hurt and confused as i really love him. we have been together for over 3 years. What do i do??
View related questions:
drunk Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 May 2007): Thank you so much for taking the time to reply to my question. I guess i can be a bit demanding at times, this is something i am working on. we only get to be see each other like twice a week anyway, so when he didn't show it hurt. Part of the problem is beacuse i think that after being together for over 3 years we need to move forward in our relationship i.e move in together - I guess it feels like our relationship is at a stand still!! i want committment & he's not sure he can committ. I know i love him, but i think i love him more than he loves me (not sure if that makes sense). So i hope we can get through this, if not then maybe we're not meant to be.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 May 2007): Thanks for the replies, i really appreciate you taking the time to answer my question. I will talk to him (not argue) & see if we can move forward from this. I suppose I'm at a stage in my life where i want some form of committment i.e. moving in together. I don't want to leave it too late to have children, where as he is not sure if he wants to have children. I've being feeling like our relationship is at a standstill & not moving forward - this is probably why i reacted the way i did when he didn't show. So we will see what happens next.
...............................
A
female
reader, O Connor  +, writes (1 May 2007):
 a while ago i was in the exact same situation.boyf of 3 yrs,out with his friends instead of me etc.you are NOT expecting too much at all,you are his girlfriend and he should wanna be with you.talk to him and tell him calmly exactly why and how you are feeling,he may not understand properly and fighting is not gonna sort this out.he should balance out the time that he spends with you and respect the time he has with you.maybe try and join him on nights out and see wat he enjoys??this way he gets his time woth his friends and you have your time with him also.hope this helps
...............................
A
female
reader, Girl Pants  +, writes (1 May 2007):
 Being with him for 3 years already, so the amount trust between both of you should be huge.From what you wrote, i would say that you are controlling him. He is just going out for drinks with his friends, and he will definately get drunk. Well, at least you know he is going out with his friends. At least he tells you where he is and hoping you'd understand.Has he been drinking a lot recently? If he is, it's probably due to stress. I'm not sure what but i know that he might blow up badly if you keep blaming him and argue with him just because he didn't spend time with you. And with you being angry won't help him feel better.Maybe he chose to hang out with his friends than you because he feels better around his friends. In a way that there's no one to argue with or no one who blames him.Me and my boyfriend have been dating for 2 years and we hardly meet up. Because he is busy with school and work. We meet like once or twice a week sometimes. And sometimes when he's free, he would play soccer with his friends than meet up with me. But i don't feel angry at him for not spending time with me, instead i understand him; i understand that a guy do need his own space.So you find a time to talk to your bf, only when both of you are in a good mood. Ask him if everything is okay. Tell him and assure him that he can count on you if he has any problem. And if he says everything's okay or did not wanna tell you what the problem is, don't probe him. Men just hate women who keeps asking. Please don't raise your voice at any point of time even if he starts to lose his temper. And don't accuse him of anything. Hope this helps.Good Luck!
...............................
|
