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female
age
41-50,
*nhappyGEM
writes: i have a very selfish husband whom i have 2 small children with, and he lies, cheats and refuses to tell the truth - even when i catch him in the act, what can i do? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 January 2007): I just found out that my man for 10 years has been in a relationship with someone else for a few months i talked to her on the phone and we squared things away, but he still continues to lie about what happend and i believe she is telling the truth i had a friend too only for conversation and he tried to turn it around and said i was having sex which i was not. we have been at each other since i found out and he still won't admit even with me knowing.so should i just walk away from this 10 years and start all over with my 4 children
A
female
reader, [Natalie] +, writes (8 January 2007):
![[Natalie] agony aunt](/avatars/cfc87ec9-ee3b-4009-ba14-75a8d51ca85c.png) Hi.
I know its hard, but I'd leave him.
You're worth so much more than a cheat and liar.
You have to think of your kids too.
When they're older would they want to know what their dad didto you? And you stayed with him for their sake.
Try and move on Sweetheart. Find a man who knows how to treat a lady!
xxx
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 January 2007): i'm in the same position as yours and when i confront him he verbally abuses me, he says i'm crazy and that i imagine things, I think you should try to emotionaly detach yourself from him, you shouldn't be living with lies and trickery, it is not normal that he lies about somthing you know, this will make you loose trust in yourself and it will make you mentally ill, try to focus on yourself and stop focussing on his life of lies and trickery, make him lie and cheat himself, you've got to move on to better things.....
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 January 2007): ITS SIMPLE, LEAVE HIM.
Easy said than done I guess, but what will you loose. Not much by the sound of it.
Even if you cant leave, at least throw him out and show that you mean business. How can a man treat a woman like this.
I really dont think he deserves you.
I wish you a really happy new year, and hope all will end up ok for you and your babies, as they are the important thing in your life.
XX
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A
female
reader, garret +, writes (2 January 2007):
Honestly? I'd say leave him. This man is clearly extremely selfish and cant care very much for your feelings and considering there are children involved and he still continues to cheat and lie its even more reason to get rid. I mean what kind of role model is he?
Obviously i dont know your entire circumstance but if your still with him even after catching him in the act then you need to question yourself too. How much more motivation do you need to make you realise that he has the inibility to be truthful and faithful. I'd get yourself out of there, focus on being a good mother and you'l soon come to realise that a man doesnt define you, especially one so self obsessed. Good Luck!
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A
female
reader, Astrid  +, writes (2 January 2007):
 Hello
I think you should not wastin time analysing the situation so much, he is like this and he's probably not goin to change,you have to go out shopping and for coffees wuth friends, improve your look go to the gym or do exxercise on your own, to go jogging on a regular basis gets you slim and fit and prevents heart disease, focus on carin and nurturing your children and on your work and relations with family in friends so that you're prepared to live you life to the fullest then if you decide to drop him just do it, you can do it b4 this process too, maybe u can ask him to go counsellin but honestly darling if he has done it more tham once he will do it again. be strong yo can get over it for sure he has a mental problem not you if you cannot live on it just work to have a good life for yourself and your children and maybe in a near future you'll find the right man in case you want
good luck
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (2 January 2007): Leave his sorry cheating behind because if it keeps on going ur children could do it when they are older and that would be bad and ur kids would start calling you what ur husbands tells then if u make him mad I am only 12 but i have good advice
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A
female
reader, beentheredonethat +, writes (2 January 2007):
 There are really only two options. You either accept him and know that he's not wired to be faithful and love him anyway, or you leave.
Leaving will probably be what everyone else tells you, so I will concern myself with how to stay.
Look at your husband and make a list of all his best features. For example, is he a good father, kind lover, thoughtful, or funny? Do you really love him enough to accept his flaws? Then list everything you hate about him. Which list has the most weighty items in the long term life sense? Do any of his flaws affect his relationship with the children? For example, does he beat them, or discourage them or do anything that depreciates their lives.
Look at yourself truthfully....would the children be better off with or without him....would YOU? That is where you decision is, because leaving him for your pride...is an act of selfishness. Leaving him for the betterment of three lives is logic.
Now if you wanted advice on how to Make him stop cheating....I am so sorry.....you can't make anyone do anything they really don't want to do.
Protect yourself from this moment on. That means safe sex and condoms every time....and if you have two small children that means you have had unprotected sex with him...and all of his partners.
Him cheating is not about you being a failure...and you can't dye your hair the right color or cook his favorite meal hoping it will be enough to make him stop. Realise his cheating is about him and don't beat yourself up for his flaw.
You can love a person who cheats and you can have a good marriage even with someone others might tell you to trash and try again. It is up to you to figure out what you can and can't live with. I wish you luck and happiness.
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A
female
reader, poison_0250 +, writes (2 January 2007):
 Do you always fight with your husband?
Try not to talk to him and let him feel you're so much hurt..
Try to focus your attention to your kids and let him feel that he is doing wrong by his acts..
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