A
female
age
41-50,
*onely_4_life??
writes:Wow, I am either a hopeless optimist, or just truly pathetic. There is a chance it is a combination of both! I have been with my significant other for nearly 9 years. We have three children together. Through out the years, we have had several issues. The biggest ones, he lies consistantly and he cheats on me. When times get tough, instead of sticking it out, he finds another women to make himself feel better. He will cheat for a few months, I will find out about it, then kick him out. This has happened twice. The last time was the hardest. My son was the only child old enough to understand "in his own way" what was going on. I took him back again. It wasn't for the kids. It was me being selfish. I was lonely and I did not want my kids to be around the other woman. I am so unhappy. I don't trust him. I have caught him at her house numerous times since he has come back. I want to leave him, and we have discussed it several times, but he always tells our children that it is "Mommy's" fault that they won't have their Daddy at home anymore. I will put my question as simply as I can............How do I leave him in a way that will cause the least harm to my kids??? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, x Hit By Cupids Poison Arrow x  +, writes (16 April 2007):
Being as you didn't take the early route out, leaving him when he first started cheating and lying (we don't always notice and/or take the right action, but you have to keep this in mind) you should leave now, or as soon as possible.
Tomorrow is always another day and whilst tomorrows come, todays go past us.
You say about the children?
I have heard from several mothers who have said, "After me and my husband left each other when the children left the house and when I told them about it, they blamed me. They called me stupid for letting it carry on and abandoned me, thinking I made it up."
Sometimes we just have to look after number one. Your kids aren't in any danger. They may be upset, but whenever you do it they are going to be upset. Do it while they are young which makes it easier for them to learn from and they will get used to a life without daddy.
I don't know if this helped but this is my personal opinion.
Love,
x Stef x
A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 April 2007): Sorry I proably did not answer.
Without hurting your kids.
Your kids will not understand right away but with time they will realize that your seperation was for the best.
better to let your kids see you live apart than to have them seeing you all argue because they know there is another woman.
Good luck and I hope that you make the right decision.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 April 2007): I don't mean to be mean or anything, but your story sounds so amazing. Like the one that I was living.I was involved with a man that has three kids, had been with her 9 years. they split up when she found out I was pregnant. so he came to live with me, then we split up and he went back to her. He was with her for a couple of weeks. Then he told me he loved me and she heard him tell me. He has never told her he loves her, so she knew that he wanted to be with me. She kicked him out again.So we moved ina gain after my lost of the baby I was out of the picture for about a month he swore to her he was not going to talk to me any more. And that he was going to be faithful. not my intention to be in the way but I truly love this man. He came back to me and told me he loved me that he only went back to her because of the kids that he did not love this woman he felt nothing. So we moved in together again. It lasted 1 month and then one night we argued. I kicked him out, then guess what he ran back to his family. I told him with her on the phone that I was going to be the bigger person and not interfere in the relationship any more even though I love this man and I know he loves me too. He is only thre for the kids. He still calls me he came a couple of times to my place. Because I tell him it is not fair for him to this to her if he swore that he is not going to do it again. Not fair for me either because he knows I truly love him and I will take him back in a heart beat. But for the fact that he tells me that is with her for the kids I try to stay away. Ask me has he listen no. so I know that I am wrong because I do not pick up the phone to call this other woman to tell her what her man is doing. I think that I made it clear to her when I spoke last to her on the phone that no matter what he was always going to love me and just because he was there it is not because of her it was for the kids if she wanted to be stupid and believe that he was going to change that was not going to happen.
So I feel that men want to have their cake and eat it to. But coming from me that I did this to a woman and took her man away you might not want o take my advise. But if you know for a fact that he is only there for the kids and you know that he loves another woman I think that you should let him go. I think that you are afraid to let go of something that is no longer yours that is why you do not let him take your kids around this other woman. That is the power that you have on him. your kids and he feels that if he takes those kids around another woman you will then not allow him to see them anymore. I believe that if you let him go and let him do his thing with this other woman even if he takes the kids around her. If it is meant to be that everything is over well you have to accept it. Let the man move on and follow his heart.
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