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anonymous
writes: I am married for more than 4 yrs now. I have 1 kid and I am pregnant right now. My husband has been addicted to chatting and texting women. I can't help but get jealous because he is always doing the same thing after having so many fights and arguments regarding that matter. One time he had an affair with a girl he had met on chat but it was ended because I have discovered it. Right now he still have chatmates whom I get jealous of but he can't stop communicating with them, although he keeps on telling me that they were just friends. What shall I do? I already mistrust him and I don't have peace of mind now because of what he is doing. Pls. help me.
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female
reader, Wendyg  +, writes (4 April 2005):
 The main point I would like to make, is that he has already betrayed your trust, by sleeping with someone else. He is now carrying on in exactly the same way as if nothing has happened... Your first port of call is to stress to him how important it is, for him to regain your trust, and that means until he can respect you, no texting, no flirting and certianly no cyber! He has broken the rules once, and by following a set pattern he's heading for the same outcome. You need to get him to stop, he has to stop chatting to females when you are not around and making arrangements to meet up etc... until he can regain your trust, I agree that there shouldnt need to be rules and regulations in a realtionship, but he has already gone beyond the boundary once! Is he sorry that he met up with and had an affair with someone, or sorry that you caught him ? Until he can prove to you that he is simply chatting and there is nothing else to it, then there will always be a doubt there... you need to nip this is the bud before it recurs..... Are you interested in chatting online at all ?... Perhaps you could make it a chat thing that you can do together, a way of making new friends, or just simply chatting and having a laugh online... perhaps if you were included it would make you feel better, and you may also have a laugh! The main thing is to let him know that you cannot let it carry on the way it has been... you can't live your life wondering all the time... you have the upper hand and if he really wants to make amends then he has to listen to you, if you future together is to be a happy one. Hope this helps you and I hope you can learn to trust him again.Take careAll the best x
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 April 2005): Hi there, it seems that I'm not the only one in this damn world who has this problem and thinks it is a problem!! I've consulted many of my friends about this and they all said the same thing, that there was nothing wrong in chatting with chatmates and that I was over controlling, subconciously. Well, I thought I was initially, so I thought I'd try it out myself (chatting in chatrooms and meeting new people of the opposite sex) to see if my partner was equally jealous as I was...and to try and see if it was any fun. I did it for only a week, and I swear my partner was all over the place, accusing me of things and reacting worse than I did. Well, it just goes to show that how you feel is definitely right and you deserve the respect from him. So I'd advice you to try it out on him, not to piss him off or anything, but to test the water and see how he reacts. I'm guaranteeing you he will be flipping and when that happens, tell him you genuinely are starting to like doing it and that you want the same freedom he gets (even if you don't like it at all). Get it into his thick skull that if he wants to have his fun, so can you and that it doesnt bother you at all that he's doing it. Indicate to him that the only way you'll ever stop doing it is if he stops it too. Never give a man like yours an escape route. Pin him down and assert your rules. You shouldnt be living with rules and regulations in a relationship but there are certain things that you should put straight when it starts to affect your well being. Do it for you. Screw how he feels because he's definitely not thinking about you. Never let your kid and you being pregnant be excuses for you not to let him go, even if you wanted and needed to. If you think like that, you will act like that. And if you act like that, he'll know he has an upperhand over you and will do anything he likes, when he likes, with you having to clean up after his mess. You should start thinking about yourself. Show him you dont rely on him and that you wont take his shit from him. Hope everything will turn out fine for you.
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