A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have been w/my bfriend for 2 years,and have found last year he had been cheating on me for 4 months while wking out of town. Since then things have not been the same, but i have forgave him. But lately he has given me the impression he is talking to someone else again, and we have been fighting everyday. He is w/m at all times so I don't think that is the case. But he just doesn;t seem interested in me anymore and doesn't like me touching him, nor does he want to be romantic. Just need help understanding what I need to do
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female
reader, Artistry +, writes (22 July 2008):
 Hi, Thanks for writing back. Being that there is a third element in your relationship, his previous marriage, and a child. That makes it complicated. I don't know who decided to divorce whom in his previous marriage, but sometimes their is a competition betwen the new wife and the old wife for the attention of the ex-husband and your husband, being one in the same, either sub-conciously or conciously. If you are going to keep this man, as you seem to indicate, then you are going to have to play for the part of the one, who makes his life better, not the one who nags him all the time and makes him not want to be around you. The ex-wife has nothing to lose, she is already not a total part of his life, in that she is not living with him daily, so she can afford to be the nicest one around. It is going to be up to you to make him want to come home to you, want to be in your company, so that he is not trying to withdraw from you. You should try surprising him with something that he really likes, be the fun part of his day, you want him , then fight for his affection and attention, what is the saying attracting more bees with honey than with vinegar, there's truth to that. If you spend your time nagging about how much time he devotes to the first wife and child, abd she is charming, and more in tune with pleasing him, guess who gets the most of his attention, in an emotional sense, even though you live with him. You are turning him off, you have to take the high road, and be a bit more mature, realizing that he is concerned about the other child in his life, and not necessarly the ex-wife as he would have stayed married to her, if he wanted her. Take a look at the big picture, you are going to have to evaluate and make the decision, are you going to keep pushing him away with your need to have more attention, than his other child and the mother, or are you going to enjoy and make the most of the time you have with your husband and make it quality time, instead of making him wish he wasn't with you. It's your choice, and it is in your hands, the moment you start to reduce the nagging, and turn into a charming, loving caring wife, he will change and he won't be resentful and turn away from you, I do believe. Now go get 'em, you care about him, decide if it is worth it to you to change? Good luck to you, please let me know how it is going. Be happy, he is married to you, but he wants it the way I am sure, it was in the past, less tension, more caring. Take care of yourself. He is with you, make him want to keep it that way.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 July 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI did have a talk with him last night and he said he wants to be with, he just wants all the fightin to stop.BUt see he has a kid from a previous marriage and it is very hard getting along with his ex. HE always does what she wants over me, and it hurts. I know he doesn't want her back, but I think its time for him to quit doing what she ask. When we go eat dinner he doesn't even stair me in the face wout being rude. I have a kid from a provious marriage and then we have a 18 mth togther. He is a great father and I really don't want to lose him.
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A
female
reader, Artistry +, writes (21 July 2008):
Hi there, First of all, if you definitely know he cheated the for four months, and you forgave him, did your trust return. Once someone breaks down your faith in them , by doing something that does harm to the relationship, it becomes very hard to, overcome the distrust. He is a cheater, and it seems as though he is resentful of you forgiving him, when he knows he did something that was not too cool. So what you have here, it seems to me is someone who thinks he should have been punished and not forgiven.
That is just one opinion regarding the situation. The other thing is that, maybe he is just not there for you anymore, it is a possibility that this is the case. It takes two people to make a relationship work, and if one of the two, is somewhere else, mentally and emotionally, there will be no relationship. I suggest a nice long talk, somewhere else other than home, a neutral setting, and discuss your concerns. Be ready to accept what he tells you, I have always felt, that if a person did not want to be with me, I certainly don't want to be with them. Something is wrong, snd you have the right to know what it is, so that you can make an informed decision. Please don't try to hang on, if he no longer has any interest in you, and based on your letter, this may be the case. Unless he is over working himself, and has no time for you or anything else. Find out, and go from there. Good luck to you in the future. Take care.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 July 2008): Never ever EVER take someone back after cheating. Really-DON'T!
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