A
female
age
30-35,
*D13X
writes:I've been with my boyfriend for quite sometime now, but in the past he has cheated on me. Which affected the trust in our relationship, and sex is out of the question we never have sex anymore simply because when we do its so extremely painful! I really need some help on what to do as every time he wants to have sex its an straight forward NO I just run away from it! Please help me! Thanks
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 September 2011): Your bf is the one who destroyed this relationship by cheating, not you. You're not doing this on purpose to punish him, he did this to you, you weren't always like this, he caused you to be like this.I dont' think he's fully owned up and taken responsibility for what he did, or acknowledged the full impact his actions had on you, because it seems you're still completely closed off to him and in self-protection mode. your mind and heart is still telling you stay away from this guy because he's "dangerous" emotionally. Your mind and heart wouldn't be feeling like this if he was doing something to make you feel better about him.if he in any way gets mad at you for this, when this is all his fault, you should leave him.I think you need to sort this out with couples counseling. But if you just can't trust him, that's OK don't feel bad or guilty, remember this was HIS doing, not yours. You should then leave him. It's not about "freeing" him to be with someone who can meet his needs, it's about you being freed from this mental torture he's inflicted on you by betraying you and destroying your trust.
A
female
reader, chickpea2011  +, writes (14 September 2011):
 Hi,I know exactly how you feel. I just ended a 10 years relationship. I know your pain, how much this affect you mentally, emotionally, physically... Words cannot describe... You will never be the same, and will never forget. I am not sure how long ago this has happened. Some people recover faster than others. Some stay and work hard to fix the relationship. Some walk away and never look back. So, theres no righ decision. People make their own choice. Rather they choose to stay or walk away it's their own decision, it's their life, and there's no shame on what you decide. If you stay, you need to try to rebuild the relationship. If you cannot do it on your own, then seek professional help, but you need to do something about it. Because, what's the point of staying together, if you are just going to be bitter about, fight, and constantly unhappy, and bad mood? How long do you want to punish him? If you cannot forgive him, pass this, then the only way is to end your relationship. You denying him, being angry, it's painful for the both of you. How long do you want to live this way? What he did was wrong, and inexcusable. But, after what he did, he's still with you, so he loves you, not the other person. Also, you are constantly angry at him, he's still stick around, shows you he truly loves you, because even though he made a huge mistake, he's human, and one can only take so much. I know you are in tremendous pain, but you cannot continue living this way. It's not fair to you, it's not fair to him. Good luck
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A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (13 September 2011):
 If you can't trust him or touch him, what is the point in even staying? Clearly this doesn't sound like the kind of thing you'll ever fully get over (and I'm not sure you should), you should move on. You can do way better than a guy who cheats.
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A
female
reader, angelDlite +, writes (13 September 2011):
 his cheating has damaged you emotionally and made you shut down from him which has made you physically shut down also. this shows that you are not over what he did. why are you still with him if you feel like this? you are so young, i do not know why you are settling for a relationship with someone who cheats. if you are experiencing actual pain during sex then it could be a sign of infection. you may have caught an STD from him
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