A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hey, My boyfriend and I are both happy and have been going out for 7months. Everything has been perfect for one thing.. Earlier in our relationship, when things were still a bit awkward, he went out one night, got drunk and kissed another girl. He told me immediately the next day and came over and delivered flowers and chocolates to say he was sorry. I chose to forgive him and, although it took time, we are much closer now and I trust him to never cheat on me again. The only thing is, i'm a really insecure person and I can't stop thinking about it. I find myself wanting to hear intricate details about that night, what the girl looked like, who she was, if he told her he had a girlfriend, who flirted with who... I can't bring it up again though becuase I know my boyfriend feels guilty about it and i've told him not to worry about it, plus it was about 6months ago. And no matter what information he would tell me I know regardless of what it is, it won't make me feel better. Has anyone here been cheated on and can consider my feelings normal? What should I do to move on from this night? Any insight would be much appreciated.
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male
reader, lifelifelife  +, writes (1 December 2009):
I hope it's not too late to say this. That is an awesome guy right there. He made a mistake, he's human, and he admitted it to you! He didn't lie to your face about, he didn't try to hide it from you, he was a man about it. He faced all his fears and anxieties and he told you about it immediately about it because he cares about you and respects you enough to admit that he fucked up. That is tight. My girlfriend cheated on me, multiple times, i had questioned her a couple of times just kind of for fun, and she was all smiles and kisses, "I never cheated on you." Eventually I caught her, heartless piece of shit. You know how happy I would have been if this girl that I had been head over heels in love with had cared that much for me? if she had only cheated on me (with just a kiss) once and admitted it to me right away? People fuck up, and we are all capable of forgiveness when it's truly deserved. He deserves it. Hope you two are living happily ever after.
A
male
reader, lifelifelife +, writes (1 December 2009):
I hope it's not too late to say this. That is an awesome guy right there. He made a mistake, he's human, and he admitted it to you! He didn't lie to your face about, he didn't try to hide it from you, he was a fucking man about it. He faced all his fears and anxieties and he told you about it immediately about it because he cares about you and respects you enough to admit that he fucked up. That is tight. My girlfriend cheated on me, multiple times, i had questioned her a couple of times just kind of for fun, and she was all smiles and kisses, "I never cheated on you." Eventually I caught her, heartless piece of shit. You know how happy I would have been if this girl that I had been head over heels in love with had cared that much for me? if she had only cheated on me (with just a kiss) once and admitted it to me right away? People fuck up, and we are all capable of forgiveness when it's truly deserved. He deserves it. Hope you two are living happily ever after.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (10 May 2008): babe. leave. run as fast as you can. my girl cheated on me six months ago. I was already one of the most suspicious people on the planet. i found out that something happened between them. she eventualy admitted that she "made out" with him that day. It took me a million lies from her, and me just loving her and not wanting to be without her so much that i eventually was like. i guess it was just a kiss and what not and I got over it after a month or two. I just found out last night from the dude she supposedly " made out " with last night that they had sex twice. I confronted her and she lied to my face about it. untill i showed her the IMs. and she was like yeah. i did it. i had sex with him. then she came up with all this bull shit about how she fucked up and was so sorry.
Without going into many more details. if you really suspect anything period. and your not an overly suspicious person because of mental issues. dump them. do it before they even get the chance to cheat. and if they do and confirm your suspicions. Please do not give them even one iota of a chance. somehow, alot of people have a sort of sixth sense about shit like that. i do. listen to your gut. leave them. get your boys or girls to throw moltave cocktails at their house. stab their tires. kill them if you can get away with it. and peace the fuck out
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 May 2008): It is totally normal. Just yesterday (May 5th) my boyfriend admitted he cheated on me. I knew months before but he always denied and lied about it. But finally he let it out yesterday. Im heart broken.. i feel betrayed and i have very low self-esteem right now. I want to dump him, but problem is- i love him DEEPLY. I'm pissed that he kept denying it, and sad that he did not trust me and respect me.
Anyway, at least he had a damn reason why he committed a stupidity. He was drunk. Mine wasn't.
I hope it works out for you too. Your situation is not as bad; I wish mine were like yours. Love him and trust him as he does you.
Sincerely,
Broken Heart
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 April 2008): I am in that situation, mine is just alittle more complicated.
I've been with my boyfriend for "about" 2 years. About a year and a half ago, when we OFFICIALLY started dating he cheated on me. He'd gotten jealous of this guy I was hanging out with one night at my friends birthday get-to-gether so he went out drinking with some of MY friends and ended up having oral sex with some girl. Even now I think about it, and sometimes it is a fleeting feeling and other times it's a burning pain, like I'd just found out. I too am very self concious and occasionally find my self wondering "what did she look like, was she prettier, skinner, did he start it, did she, was he eyeing her all night?" etc...and it tears me up inside. I really don't know what to do for my case, but for yours hun, please just realise he chose you over her. It was a drunken moment, he did fess up which is a big step. He was honestly sorry and that's what really matters. Things happen, people aren't perfect. But he did sincerely apologise and that's all he could do. He can't make the past go away, but he did what he could. He loves you, so do what you can to love him back. Good luck to you both!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 January 2008): I am in the same situation as you. We have been together for 6 months now and everything is great. For the first 3 months things were pretty shit! He liked this other chick and kissed her at a party one night. He only got caught out because my friends saw his car at her house one day. When i confronted him aobut it he lied until i broke up with him over it and he admitted he was there. He told me he liked her and she wanted 2 be with him, but he claims he liked me too much. It was so hard and i forgave him but now im like obsessed with it. I think about it all the time and always bring it up when were fighting. He says nothing happened at her house that day he was there but how do i know that. I cant stand knowing he cheated on me and i didnt do anything about it. I always see her and it makes me mad at him and he doesnt understand why im being sucha bitch all of a sudden. i really want 2 break up with him over it, but it will hurt me now because it was in the past and things are so different now.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 January 2008): My ex also did the same thing except he chose not to tell me even when I pointed out a hickey on his neck he lied about it and lied all the way and was hoping i'd never find out. Not only was I hurt that he cheated I felt angry that he had to lie about it. Your man showed honesty which is very valuable and he did the right thing, when one makes a mistake it's more important how he can put things right after, it's not easy. If you are happy with him right now then that means something don't you think? I think he respected you and I'm sure you feel way that too :)
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 January 2008): i dont think its that bad bc it was just a kiss... my ex cheated on me by having intercourse with another female. Well, I forgave but didn't forget... and no, I am not with him anymore. We broke up right after.
The difference btwn your man and mine was that he had enough balls to tell you right away so that must show that he was really genuinely sorry about doing it. Hope every thing works out but if you ever find out the he cheats on you again or even had sex with another person.. leave him!
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A
male
reader, chlez83  +, writes (17 January 2008):
Oh my goodness are you a deep thinker.I know how hard it is to forget when sum1 cheats on you and sometimes you just can't get it outta yo mind.You seriously have 2 options.STOP thinking about it and focus on your relationship.Or just BREAK UP coz it'll seriously eat you as it is doing right now.
Good luck.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 January 2008): it takes time, the good thing is he told you right away! if he trusts you enough to tell you and he felt guilty about it then hes probably not going to let it happen again! communication is key!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 January 2008): Of course it is normal to feel tHis way. Ok..he cheated and it was wrong of him to do that. However you have chosen to forgive him. I think it would be best now to let it go.
Don't ask anymore questions. Remind yourself that you won't let your relationship fail for this!! Anytime you find your mind wondering over what happened just think of happy times you and him have had together. Look at some lovey dovey text messages you have stored in your phone from him or nice photographs you have around. This will help you to remember the happier times rather than the bad. Just try to put it out of your mind. Focus on the many good times rather than the 1 bad thing that happened.
He does seem to be sorry. He did the right thing afterwards. He told you the truth himself, took full responsibility and tried to put things right.
In time(with a more positive outlook from you)things will get better...that bad memory will fade...just give it time.
All the best xxx
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A
female
reader, O Connor  +, writes (16 January 2008):
 well i was in the same situation and ended up having to meet the girl, which believe me is worse than not knowing anything. you were only seeing him barely a month and he only kissed the girl drunkenly, easy mistake and he was genuinely sorry and does love you. just try and forget about it, it was an irrelevant night and thats how it should be seen, after all he's with you not her so dont dwell on it. there is no point, you are not going to gain anything by finding out more info so why bother?? move on and enjoy the relationship you are in. he has and he is. you care for him so just cherish how much he wants you in his life. email me if you want more help hun good luck xxx
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