A
female
age
41-50,
*engalfan111
writes:Over the past 6 months, my husband and I have been at each other's throat. This past February, my husband moved into the basement. We didn't go to counseling, we just continued to exist. Finally, we made a decision to get in counseling in mid-May and things were going pretty good. We were starting to appreciate each other again. However, I just found out that he has cheated on me during the period he was in the basement. At no point, did we agree to see other people. To make things worse, he continued to talk to her while we were in counseling, but I could tell he was distancing himself to break it off.To make things more complicated, I have cheated on him in the past. Soooo...I have the following thoughts: 1. I have cheated (he has also in the past too) and now he has done it again. 2. I don't trust him at all. I don't know if I ever can again.3. We have two kidsGuess I'm just looking for someone to give me their thoughts. I am so sick to my stomach by the situation. I also don't want to throw away 15 years of being together if it can be saved. The problem...I don't know if it can, don't know if I want to save it, and I don't know if I will ever trust him again. Has separation worked for anyone?????
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 June 2009): OK...so Im the one that did the original post and I've got some more info. We both want to work at the marriage and we both agree we don't want the marriage we had before. However, it's a slow process. There are days I take 1 step forward and the next day I might take 2 steps back. I have all kinds of ways to check up on him now (I firmly believe in fool me once, shame on you...fool me twice, shame on me) I guess now it will take time to see what becomes of this. We both do love each other and we want to be together...we genuinely like each other...just personal issues, lack of nurturing our marriage, and influences have driven us apart. (Original Poster)
A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 June 2009): trust is so important in a relationship if you lose that sorry but I don't think you can continue maybe you will stay together for who you love but what about your happiness?
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A
female
reader, josephy  +, writes (6 June 2009):
 sorry but if there is no trust in the relationship there can't be hope to continue
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A
male
reader, LazyGuy  +, writes (6 June 2009):
 15 years of what?
What is it what you don't want to throw away, the lack of trust, the cheating, the fighting, the lack of physical contact.
What exactly would you be saving?
And what is this doing to your kids. You don't think they know what is going on? Kids see more then you think. What rolemodel are the two of you providing?
Am I right in thinking you don't want to save this marriage for love, but because you are afraid of having to be single again and admit you messed up. Both of you did.
Unless you can tell what are you trying to safe and why it is worth saving I see no future. Just staying married for the sake of marriage is not going to work out. It hasn't for a long time.
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