A
female
age
36-40,
*ubb
writes:Hi,My boyfriend and i have been together for over 5 1/2 years. We have a 10 month old daughter and another 1 on the way. I am 6 months pregnant. My grandfather passed away so my daughter and i went overseas for the funeral service for 2 weeks, my boyfriend asked if we can also spend 1 week in NZ so my daughter can spend time with his family. I agreed. We came back and things were good but some thing was a lil strange, i had funny feelings.One night he got drunk and the next morning i went through his phone. I found a msg that he sent to this girl saying "Sorry bout she's bak". I questioned him when he woke up and asked if he's cheated on me. After half and hour of lying and denying i got him to swear on his daughters life and he confessed that while we were in Nz, he went back to her house after a club. 1 week after we arrived back from Nz he went out with his boys again on a Friday night and i didnt hear from him untill 10am the next day, he lied that he slept at his uncle's house because he was too drunk to come home but infact he was back at her house. He swears it was all a mistake and he was so drunk that he didnt know what he was doin but i cant understand why he would go back if the 1st time was a mistake. My daughter woke up crying at 1am saturday so i called him while he was at the club so that she could hear him and maybe settle, after speaking to both of us...he still went to her house. And he says he loves me... He swears that nothing happened the second time but it hurts knowing that he went back. He even had her facebook, email, number, bebo and said she called a few times. He's deleted evrything, even closed his accounts with facebook and bebo to try and prove to me that he only want's me. He's begged me 2 be with him and swears he'll give up drinking but i dont know if i can put this behind me and trust him again. It was a rough time because my grandfather passed away and the fact that im carrying. I know what i want and thats to still be with him because i love him but how can i overcome this so things can be normal again??? Is he worth a second chance??? Please help me, my head is goin to explode!!!!
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female
reader, athenas  +, writes (19 June 2009):
Hey there!!! Im sorry for whats happening but you love him you can forgive him I mean right now your wounds are still d well sill hurt well obviously, But you have a daughter and one on the way I mean yoou have to also thimk about them. Give it some time let him beg you and im not saying it like in a pride way but let him see that he made a stupid mistake and if he actually prooves u that hes gona change well give him a chance we all make stupid mistakes every once in a while. Its going to be hard at first but it takes time and effort to get over it. I wish you the best.Good Luck!!!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 June 2009): I dont think he is worth a second chance. The fact he went back to this girls house a second time i think you said is completely and utterly terrible.he apologises then goes back? no way.thats not on.it will be hard but i think you need to get rid of him fast.i wouldnt believe him that he will give up drinking as ive been told the same story a few times and its all been lies every time.
the fact that you still love him is difficult.he has damaged your trust a lot and i cant think of anything to say thats good about him.please realise he did this whilst you are pregnant and you have a child together already.it says a lot about him to be honest which isnt good.
if you really want to stay with him then all i can say is that you check up on him and what hes doing and see if he changes with this stop drinking plead.i cant say everything will get back to normal quick but if you do end up getting over this quick congratulations!
good luck
xx
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 June 2009): No! We don't want any exploding heads! If it had truely been a mistake and he had no idea what he was doing, then he text to her would not have read "sorry but she baK."It would have said "it shouldn't have happened and i can't talk to you anymore." But instead, he apologized to her! And said that the only reason he couldn't go with her again was because you are back now. Not because he regretted it. I would not buy into his "i was drunk" BS. That isn't an excuse for going to her house .. TWICE.. and going all the way with her, and then continueign to text her. I advise you to remove him from your day to day life before your children begin to feel the affects of his dispicable influence. It's better that the children not have a father around, then to have a immoral, cheating, lyeing one around. And face it: if you don't break up with him, how are you going to spend the rest of your relationship with him? That's right..In doubt, fear, paranoia, mistrust, suspicions, etc. Things will never be the same and you will be spending too much energy worrying and feeling hurt over the past. you deserve way better. I'm sincerely sorry for what you're going through and I hope that everything turns out ok for you and your kids. But not for your boyfriend. ~SY.
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