A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Ok so I told a small white lie to my boyfriend that I hadn't smoked cannabis in a while but he found out I had infact the day before but it was only a tiny bit and I didn't enjoy it anyway. When he got with me he knew I smoked and had given up for him and this was one slip up, since that one time I've been smoke free for 5 months. I know I'm in the wrong and have admitted that and said sorry but he seems so angry with me that I'm not too sure to do, I care about him so much and wouldn't do anything to jeopardise our relationship, he's reacted pretty badly, I admitted it straight away and wasn't trying to be deceptive in any way as I know he's always hated me smoking so I was afraid to tell him I had it that one time, he now sais that he can't get over that I lied to him and thinks I'm up to no good and not telling him when this was the only time I've ever been untruthful towards him. He said he wants to forget it and hopefully be on a better note when he sees me next but all his texts are so blunt and I've ran out of things to say, I've become a complete mess the last couple of days because I miss him and us getting along as this is our first real hiccup in a year since we've been together, how long do you think it'll take for him to forgive me as I want to give him time but I can't help but want to text him all the time so when is best to text and any advice on how I can fix this? :(
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 October 2016): I don't know much about your relationship or how he is in other aspects but his behavior seems to hinge on slightly controlling. I had an ex who I was always apologizing to and begging for forgiveness. Only when I got out did I realize he was being manipulative and emotionally abusive. Not saying your bf is - just something to look out for if things like this happen often!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 September 2016): You have shown total remorse in your post, and he already says he wants to forget about it. You know he has a rule about use of drugs, and he wants to trust you. You know why he got so upset? Because he cares a lot for you and he wants to trust you. If you lie about drug-use, or alcohol; often that means you're covering-up a problem.
Give him some cool-off time. He may have dealt with someone with a drug-problem in the past, or maybe even a family member. If he is that adamantly against it, he surely has.
I don't think you should dwell on it too much. Too much said in defense of yourself is only exacerbating the issue; and it makes you look twice as guilty. Give him time. Just be yourself and try not to let the blunt responses get to you. If he really cares for you, he can't stay angry for too long.
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A
female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (30 September 2016):
 Stop. Stretch and take a deep breath.
You have owned your mistake, your boyfriend has already said he wants to forget about it so leave it be and let time do the rest. He's not going to get over it any quicker with you keeping it all fresh in his head.
Second, the last thing you should do is build it up and reinforce his belief that he's been wronged. This is very small potatoes so don't encourage him to make more of it than there is with your constant apologizing and placating.
Third, there is NOTHING immoral about smoking pot, regardless of it's legal status. Marijuana is a plant. It's a part of nature. I don't smoke it myself and I seldom drink as I prefer to be in full control of my faculties at all times, but I do understand it is NOT a gateway drug to heroine or crack or worse. So, let's just lighten up, ok?
Just be matter of fact about it all. Everything will be just fine.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (30 September 2016):
 I don't think it is about the fact that you smoked, it was the fact that you lied. At the end of the day you should have just told him you smoked! He would have been annoyed but would be over it by now. I was in the same situation as you. The thing is now you have broke his trust, to you it seems like a little white lie, but to him now he does not know what you lie about or what you have been keeping secret. I suggest giving him some space, don't keep texting him, just give him space. Maybe write him a letter and in the letter explain to him why you lied and that you promise never to do it again, tell him how much he means to you and then send it to him. I am sure he will forgive you, he just needs some time. Allow this to be a lesson not to lie to him again.
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