A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I've been seeing this guy for awhile and we both really care about each other. I want to start a relationship with him but he doesn't want to because we're currently long distance. He said he really cares about me and even refers to me as his girlfriend sometimes and he doesn't mind us getting together when we visit each other (about once a month) but until we both live in the same city and can see each other on a regular basis he doesn't want to commit to anything.Since I'm not around to satisfy his needs he's pursuing other girls - mainly for sex. He told me these girls won't mean the same to him as I do, I'll always be someone he cares about like he'd care about a girlfriend, but I'm not around. He doesn't want to hurt me by saying he'll be faithful and then cheating on me so he's not. He said we'll re-evaluate our relationship when we are both in the same city in the summer and until then we're just casually dating and can see other people.I can understand this because some people can't handle long distance even if they really care about someone. But on another side, it kinda bugs me because if he really cares about me couldn't we just make it work and him not sleep with other girls? Any advice?
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 January 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI wouldn't suggest him moving nearer to me because I only plan to live here temporarily until May/June then I'll be moving back. This is not a city I want to stay.
I did ask how he would feel if I slept with other guys and he said that although he wouldn't like it at first he would get used to it because he knows he'd still be the main guy in my life. He hopes I'd be safe with the other guys and they'd treat me well.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 January 2008): At least he is honest.It sounds like he doesn't want to commit in any case.Has he suggested moving to be nearer to you? If not, why not?How would he feel if you slept with other people? Ask him this question and see how you feel about the answer.
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male
reader, 2old4this +, writes (15 January 2008):
 Let me try to clear up what I meant earlier. Does this guy like you, sure he does. But, From early on according to what you wrote he doesnt want to get serious with you. It really doesn't matter what the reason is at this point because you are NOT together. Sure long distance relationships are possible, but are very hard to maintain. Even if you both are MADLY in love. But I think it's clear that he isnt. Thats not saying that down the line it couldn't happen. So, you have a choice to make. You could a) Keep the relationship the way it is. OR
b) Tell him you cant live like this and break it off clean.
You know what youre getting with him because he told you. Yea, you could get hurt no doubt. Is he worth it, I cant answer that. But, just don't sacrifice your life and good times in the meantime. You have to do what makes you happy in the longrun. Right now you may have to let him go which I know is hard. But that may be the only answer for now.
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 January 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionAny other ideas about this situation? I have 2 totally different opinions so far.
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A
male
reader, 2old4this +, writes (14 January 2008):
Now hold up. I dont agree with Laura. This guy probably does really like you and if you lived there you two would be exclusive. Not all guys are pigs, just like not all women are lying bitches. He told you flat out what the deal is. He told you he's seeing other women and he told you to date around also. If you can't handle it then end it. If one day you believe it will work out then try it. But, the choice is yours. You know what he's gonna do now it's your move. Just don't stop your life in the meantime.
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A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (14 January 2008):
 This looks like it is a problem on your side. He told you that he could not accept a long distance relationship with you .He is not ready to have any commitments with anyone. He is in a phase in a man’s life where he wants to see the world and sow his wild oats.
You are just one of his many g/f’s and I bet he said it to all of them the same thing. Don’t be taken in. It means nothing to a man. Those are just sweet thoughts or sugar coated words to keep your interest in him. Don’t fall for those sweet talks from a man. His words do not belie his actions.
If he really meant it , he would keep away from all those girls.If he was smart, he would not mention about other girls in your presence but would do it behind your back.
If there is true love, distant is no barrier.. With today’s gizmo, you can talk everyday on Skype and see each other every day .
Don't get conned with sweet talks...
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