A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I was with my boyfriend for about 7 months and we split about 2 weeks ago. For both of us this was the first significant relationship we'd been in. When we first got together everything was going great apart from the sex side of things. I hadn't been intimate with another person for over a year, and having not been in a significant past relationship, was not very experienced, also low self confidence. This caused major issues about 1 month in, however we both agreed to try with things and I assured him that as we get to know each other more that the intimacy issue would no longer be an issue. Months went by and we were getting on very well, I'd met his family, the sex side was going well and we were spending more and more time together. Around 5 months in, my ex brought up the sex thing again and I had got to the point where I felt very comfortable and very much enjoyed the intimacy. Therefore proceeded to say that I could not offer him anything else in this department and although devastated, that maybe we should end things! We talked through it all and decided to give it another shot. At this point, I even argued that it had got to the point where my feelings were serious and that if he wasn't sure about us, to end it there in then. He didn't. Again, we got more and more serious. We had keys to each other's houses and I'd even introduced him to all of my family which was a MASSIVE thing for me. 2 weeks later, he turned very distant and I instantly knew something wasn't right. He proceeded to end things by saying that he didn't think he was 'in love' with me but loved and adored me so much, and then he didn't know if I was 'the one', saying things like he saw us living together, married etc but in the future and not now. He was explaining that he's never been in love with anyone before and doesn't know if he's incapable of being in love with someone. He mentioned the sudden loss of his mother at a young age as possibly being a reason why he cannot love another person. We ended things (we were both distraught, both in tears etc and he didn't want to leave me). 2 days later he wanted to see me and said that he'd made a massive mistake, hadn't eaten or slept and he knew he was in love with me t this point. we agreed to reconcile and 2 days later spent the day together, had great sex and that night he wasn't sleeping, and I just knew.Next morning I got it out of him and I said lets just end things for good. he said he felt like something was missing, and thinks he is in love with me but doesn't know. We again talked for hours and I freaked out and said that we should give it a go, and blamed it on the sex obstacles we've had. 2 days later, I decided that I wasn't going to lower my self-worth and said that I can no longer speak to him as I knew that I just needed to let him go. We parted, and I said that I'd leave the ball in his court, give him 3 weeks or so to think things through and to contact me ONLY if he is seeing things clearer. In the past 2 weeks that we have been split, we have not spoken as agreed. However he messaged my friend on social media quizzing her as to how I am, checking if I'm okay. They've only briefly met once. She said that I'm okay, but obviously devastated and that he should really be asking me myself. He proceeded to say that I wouldn't want to hear from him right now and that I'd said about the 3 week no contact agreement. I don't know what to think. I know for sure that I won't be contacting him anytime soon, however I sense that he is going to contact me in the next week or so. I don't know if that will be to talk as friends or to try and win me back? I'm so confused.
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male
reader, Garbo +, writes (26 November 2015):
 What stands out in your description of things is how your relationship turned dramatically worse after he met with your family. Looks that all of his "I'm not sure" type of feelings came right after that meeting, at that makes me think that something doubtful occurred inside him during that meeting.
Did he feel pressure to marry? Was he intimidated in some way during that meeting? Did he get scared by realizing the "enormity" of having a serious relationship and the responsibility that it is? Or that he felt like he is not a fit for the family, too unprepy or too snobbish for it?
I'm throwing these out there as food for thought because he was, apparently, happy to show you to his parents, but after being shown to yours, suddenly, doubts pop in his head.
So even though I don't know what the answer or the outcome to this is, I really want to point to you how much that meeting with your family stands out in the description of things you give us and perhaps give you ideas to reflect on about it as a way towards more clarity in this, given that your 3 week cooling period (smart idea) is about to expire.
Another noticeable pattern in his behavior after meeting you parents is that he was more opt to break off the relationship - first for few days, now week - and that suggests to me, on the less hopeful side, that he may not know how to break things off with you. So if he comes back to you, in a week's time, and demands more time apart, I read that as he wants out, and that should be a permanent deal breaker. I hope I'm wrong on this.
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (26 November 2015):
 Honestly, someone who isn't sure if he loves you or not after 7 months... doesn't love you. He might care about you, he might like the sex, intimacy and "having" someone, but it's not love. Which means if you continue something with him, you are BOTH settling.
So IF/WHEN he contacts you tell him you don't want to be friends and you don't think dating each other is going to work either. Wish him well and then tell him you want NO more contact. That way you can both move past it.
Sometimes relationships work out, sometimes they don't. It's really no ones fault.
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