A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:I have been with my boyfriend for over a year we are both in our late forties and married for 20 years and divorced. He shared withme while we had been dating for 2 or 3 weeks that he had diabetes and therefore can not get an erection. I do love him and he has recently moved in, i am very very frustrated to say the least. He has tried several forms of impotant drugs to no avail. I am finding that I am starting to become bitter towards him. He says he is sorry and I should love him for who he is. He eats alot of junkfood and drinks alot of pop. I cant help but wonder if this makes the problem worse. He wants to talk about our future all the time, like marriage. I am too young to forgo this part of my life. He is sweet and thoughtful and a hard worker but says he feels sex is a luxery and went without it for so long it isnt as big of a deal to him. We argue more and I am constantly walkind around with my feelings hurt. In my past 2 relationships and in my marriage sex was very fulfilling and I enjoed it alot so I now feel depressed and yet ashamed for feeling like this because he really is a wonderful man. What should I do. He says we cant afford for him to go to a specialist but I say we cant afford for him not to. I dont even want to be affectionate anymore either. We use a toy but it is not fulfilling enough I miss the emotional coonection making love brings. What should I do?
View related questions:
depressed, divorce, drugs, erection, moved in Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 May 2009): a couple of thoughts spring to mind.
does he get an erection at all? e.g in the morning...
what do docs say?
change life style to include vitamins...
if you really think he is worth effort -
how is sex other wise?
you could get a toy - a vibe or a strapon? then at least you would have something?
anyway some thoughts...
Star.x.
A
male
reader, LazyGuy  +, writes (2 May 2009):
 He has diabetes and eats junk food and drinks soft drinks (I presume with sugar not Coca-Cola Zero)? That ain't right.
If he is really diabetic he would have been put onto a strict diet one he must follow if he doesn't want to die. It is that extreme.
Now I read it more carefully, he says he HAD diabetes? As in past tense? WOW! Call the doctors, we need to study the one man in history to be cured of diabetes. It can be controlled, with diet but it can NEVER be gotten rid off.
Impotency can be caused by being to fat and just being in bad health. That seems a more likely cause.
I think he might have simply slipt into a life style that caused more and more sexual problems and through this he has come to associate sex not with pleasure but with dissappointment and hard work. You might not equate a Big Mac with an orgasm, but a hamburger never complained about your staying power, a milk-shake never claims you finished it to fast.
Recovering from this, if you can even convince him to try, will be a long hard road. He must FIRST give up unhealthy food, then start excersize and only after a significant amount of time building up his health with no comfort eating MIGHT his sex drive recover. Easier said then done. Especially when he can have the satisfaction of fatty food any second of the day.
You two need to have a serious talk about the future of the two of you (lets face it, if he eats like you says he does (and doesn't excersise) it won't be a long future) together.
No money for a specialist? A doctor is a specialists these days? Even if he has diabetes (and is doing even more harm to himself with his diet) that doesn't call for a specialist. It is a common disease, any doctor can deal with it.
Time to call him on his bullshit. Make it clear, the future he seems to want is not the future you want. Either he can have his current life-style as a single or shape up with you.
If a toy was enough, why should you put up with someone who leaves the toilet seat up OR takes half an hour in the bathroom (depending on which sex you are/go for). Sex is more then just orgasms. We need intimacy, even guys.
...............................
A
male
reader, Harry Castle  +, writes (2 May 2009):
 I also have diabetes, and have weak, but workable, erections. I'm 65, by the way, and still interested in having a healthy sex life!I doubt whether a specialist will help if he has tried all sorts of Viagra-type treatments. A bit drastic, but it IS possible to have implants along the penis to stiffen him; it does mean, I believe, that his erection will be permanent!If that is inacceptable, surely you indulge in finger play and toys to get you off? Or, maybe a bit bizarre, he could get a male strap-on? A good one from Anne Summers (no, I'm not on commission!) has a multi-speed vibrator built in to the bell end......It isn't actually all that long, about 8", so it won't hurt your cervix, but as his penis is meant to go inside the hollow "body" of the thing, it is quite thick - just what you want!Oh, and it will NEVER droop, so you can be pleasured until you drop!Harry.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (2 May 2009): This is just my opinion.If we truly love someone, we love for who they are. Just in 2 to 3 weeks time, I think it is hard to tell this.Sex is just part of love. Even though it is not fulfilling enough, it is still there.Being able to be with the one we love, is considered very lucky.
...............................
|
