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female
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*uly
writes: Dear Cupid,I was married for 7-8 years now. First two years when we had sex it was all about him. He had it for 30 min and I was enjoyed it too but not as I could. He never asks me about how I feel after his love except traditional: 'I love you' and reply: 'I love you too'. After two years of be a perfect wife and housekeeper I did one mistake, not and affair just mistake, and he never forgive me it. He stopped have sex or once a year it does not count. Five years latter, I still with him but all little things become big now and my feelings for him are gone now. It is surprise me, but he still have feelings for me. Until now, I was hopping that one day he will forgive me, and everything back to the point of first years, and I lost my hope. I feel that it is very convenient for him to have a wife as a housekeeper only. My sex drive is very high and I love sex, but now it is upsetting my mentality and my hormones are drive me to angry, grumpy person. Now I ask my-self: which part of me is truly mine. Before I was a very patient and kind person with plenty to give and love to spoil everyone around me. I hate myself now and on top of this, I need to lie that I have a happy marriage and every body convince that I do. We have lovely house and when we together, we smile and give an impression of charming couple.It will be easier for me to start a new life except my daughter adores him. When I told her that I had enough and I will go for a divorce, she took overdose of tablets and she is in hospital now. Thank God, she is alive and I can only pray that the minimum damage to her health was done.My husband has some ideas about how I feel but he does not a full story yet. He is in a different country and will be back in two-month time. When he will back, I will tell him how I feel.Do I need go for a divorce now or wait for more two years until my daughter will be more mentally stable. Please help.July
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female
reader, Wendyg  +, writes (29 May 2006):
 Oh dear, sounds as though you are feeling that you are stuffed if you stay stuffed if you go. Okay, obviously you will be wanting to put your daughter first, but its no use getting her all well again and then having the same situation arise. You could leave it 2 years but she is just as likely to be feeling like this again in that time. Maybe you need to talk to her and let her know that you are trying to do whats best all round. You may need to get her some counselling to help deal with what has just happend, and enevitably a break up. She needs to know that whilst you and your husband may be splitting up, she is still the centre of both of yours universe. It is hard to deal with a break up, but my mum stayed married to our dad for 25 years! for the sake of the children she said, but in hindsight the life she had I really wished she had done it sooner! And our childhood wasnt totally great as you could tell there were problems and it made me grow up a lot sooner! So i guessed i missed out a bit on a normal childhood as they were always a bit odd towards one another, no matter how you try to act normal children pick up on it. We all try to make the best of it for our childrens lives, but they can only get stronger as they grow. I recomend that you do have some counselling the both of you, and seek some advice on the best way to proceed, there is no point you all being unhappy for longer than is necessary, you will just end up delaying the inevitbale. I understand that your daughther is a little unstable but it seems you have made up your mind not to be with your husband. Maybe tread carefully for a while, and see if with the help of some guidance your daughter can adjust to whats going to happen. You need to letyour daughter know that you love her so does your husband and that neither of you are going to be walking out on her, and that she will be given what ever support she needs from the both of you, you will just be living in seperate places, let her know that no matter what she will always come first.
I hope that half of this at least goes a little way in to helping to you. I know whatever happens its going to be very hard, especially on your daugther, but please do seek some professional help, they will be best placed to help in this kind of situations.
Take care and the very best of luck.
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